Lets train

So all is well so far. We were both pretty nervous last night getting here but once we got checked in and settled a bit we felt much better. Had the Cervadil inserted at 7:30 last night and removed at 7 am this morning. I got a quick shower, light breakfast and now the Pitocin as started. They want to wait on an internal exam until my doctor comes through, just to save me less time with people all up in my biz, which is fine. But all night long even before the Pit my contractions were very apparent both on the screen and for me. Not painful, just crampy and uncomfortable. The nurses say baby looks awesome with his heartbeat and movement with always makes a momma happy to hear:)

We shall see how this day unfolds! My new nurse works 7 to 7 so she's hoping we have baby boy by the time she leaves. Whoo! But I know it could take quite a bit longer than that, possibly, so I'm keeping an open mind. Nate went to get 'real breakfast' but when he comes back we are going to hook me up to the portable monitor and do some serious walking with my hot hospital gown and ugly socks. I will try to update this same post as I can throughout the day and also on facebook.

So thankful that everyone is thinking of us, sending good thoughts, and keeping us in their prayers. It helps so much! Thank you guys, here's to getting baby 'Los out in a safe and timely fashion!

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11:00

First check from the doctor: 1 cm dilated, 50% effaced, 'very posterior' cervix, and only a -3 station. Doh! I was hoping for more but the contractions are getting stronger yet and they want them to be 2 minutes apart, lasting 1 minute each. Definitely not that close together yet. So we could be settling in for the long haul or maybe not....who knows! I think I'm going to try and nap a bit while I still can because I'm already tired from all this excitement!

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4:15pm
Had another check at 2 pm and everything was exactly the same. I've been at the max dose of pitocin since 1:00 and if nothing major has happened by 5 pm the plan is to turn it off and do the Cervadil again tonight. Then tomorrow we'll try this thang again.

I'm having very regular, strong contractions and they are really just uncomfortable for me, nothing unbearable, but so far they haven't made progress with my cervix. The nurse is impressed I'm not in too much pain but I've always had some killer menstrual cramps and these are just like an extreme version of those. I keep talking to baby boy to tell him he needs to sink down and push that cervix open for me! So far he's being pretty darn stubborn.

We had a great conversation with my OB a little bit ago. She is still being really positive that something can happen but said that no matter what he'll come tomorrow. She can't let me go three days because of my Pre-E and I totally understand that. I mean, the more we talk about this decision to induce the better I feel about it, even if that means my body isn't truly ready and I need a C-section tomorrow. It's just not safe for me or for him to keep him in there and I understand her line of thinking completely now. Every time I get up just for a short walk my BP goes up and the highest it's been is 155/102. Not good. But you know what? Totally out of my control. There is nothing I can do to stop my Pre-E, nothing I could have done to prevent it, and nothing I can do to WILL my body to get going with this labor. It's truly out of my hands which is both frightening and reassuring.

Of course I'm really hoping that my water will just break or otherwise we'll do this whole procedure again tomorrow, which I can handle but it's pretty exhausting. My OB says that this whole day hasn't been for naught because all of these contractions really are training my body for what it needs to do. She says lots of times the second day is when everything clicks into place and things progress. Here's to wishing that is true for me!

On another note, ever since I started the pitocin I've have to be on clear liquids and holy hell I'm starving! I am eating the house out of their sorbet and popsicles trying to get some energy. But the good news if they do stop the pit in a little bit to restart the cervadil she'll let me have a real meal. I'm totally going to pig out! :)

So, thank you all for more thoughts and prayers! Now I really need them all to focus on the next 24 hours or so, praying that my cervix does SOMETHING and that I can mentally handle another day of the pitocin. I'm trying very hard not to feel let down or negative, assuming that this won't work and I'll be in surgery tomorrow night. I realize there is still a good chance that I can deliver vaginally but it just seems like my body isn't ready and I'm bummed about it.

Eyes on the prize: which is holding my baby boy in my arms. Whether he makes his entrance through my vag or through my stomach I suppose makes no difference in the long run. Looks like it will be March 1 if not today!

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MONDAY, MARCH 1

4:30 am

Cannot sleep, despite the Ambien this time. More painful contractions that are still like menstrual cramps but much worse than the pit-induced ones are keeping me up. Plus my racing mind.

I had a little breakdown to Nate last night before bed because I'm just frustrated with my body right now. I'm preparing myself to mourn the loss of my vaginal delivery. I know that sounds stupid, but it's true. I just tried all day long to keep a positive, upbeat attitude but after both of our parents left and I felt so exhausted and emotionally drained I couldn't help but cry. Of course, Nate comforted me and reassured me that he's so proud of me but I really haven't done a darn thing yet. He said that no matter how our baby comes into the world, it's going to be amazing to have him in our lives. The ways to an end....does it really matter if my induction fails and we need a C-section? Does that make my experience any less special? What about all of the couples in the world who struggle with infertility for years? When they finally succeed and have a baby does their pathway make them any more or less satisfying than someone who gets pregnant on accident? If we are all becoming parents, through various methods, do the details of how we get there matter? I don't know. I just know that I don't want any regrets when I look back on this. If my body won't cooperate, while still being sick with Pre-E, then so be it. But i just wanted to get that emotional dumping out of my system last night before it happens today in front of everyone. Of course, my poor nurse walked in during my sobfest and witnessed the ugly cry and was a doll. She assures me that second-day inductions really can work and I know she's not just saying that.

Enough rambling. Gonna try to sleep some more and think positive thoughts. What an emotionally draining few days! Baby Carlos is being stubborn and not listening to his mama right now....not much will change when he's on the outside, I'm sure:)

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9:30

Pit is up and running and these contractions definitely feel different than yesterday....much lower and more intense. I think I'm up 10 units of pitocin and the max is 30, they are going to check me soon and then get a game plan together. I'm feeling more positive about this whole thing right now and part of that is because of the tons of support we are getting from friends, family and strangers on the internets. Thank you guys!