Showing posts with label to. Show all posts
Showing posts with label to. Show all posts
Friday, August 4, 2017
Potty training straight to toilet
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How to Share Your Feelings
Feelings.
Things that makes most people clam up.
We all have feelings, so why can it be so hard to express them?
Feelings have been on my mind lately.
Over the last couple weeks I've been scared, surprised, happy, sad, hurt, bothered, a bit jealous, calm, joyful, peaceful, and probably more in between. Luckily, my husband is a fantastic listener, and I can bounce everything off him. Talking to him about my feelings helps me find a good neutral again. But there are other people that I also need to communicate with in order to resolve hurt feelings - aka, the people related to the hurt. To me, that's usually the scary part. As a counselor, I see my clients often struggle to share their concerns with others too. Pent up feelings either explode later at an inopportune time, or they fester. Neither option is the healthiest route to take.
Sometimes hurt feelings simply go away, but those seem to be the situations with strangers or less important people. Hurts related to friends, co-workers, or family members tend to stick around for awhile, unless they are dealt with in a positive way.
(This doesn't work if the other person is not listening, is disrespectful, or if people are riled up in emotion.)
(This doesn't work if the other person is not listening, is disrespectful, or if people are riled up in emotion.)
The first step: to sharing feelings is to take the time to determine where your feeling came from. What triggered you? Ponder on why that actually hurt you. What is really bothering you deep down? Peel back a few layers, and get to the route of your issue.
For example, last year my parents came to visit. We took a road trip to San Antonio, and everyone was inside my car. Even though my father offered to use his GPS to provide directions, I declined. I had driven to the Alamo enough times before, I didn't want directions. Well, of course I made a wrong turn, and then another wrong turn. Then again on the way home I got on the wrong access road, and we ended up in a parking lot. I was lost. Dad's GPS guided us to a side road through a subdivision that got us back on track. I was so frustrated though! Later, after some pondering, I realized I was upset because I had looked incompetent in front of my parents. I didn't want to look bad to them.
First: I took some time to think about why I was frustrated.
Second: I realized I wasn't mad, I was embarrassed.
Third: I talked to my Mom about why I felt embarrassed.
Fourth: I felt better. I felt calm again.
Feelings are not bad. It's what you do with those feelings that gets you into trouble or not.
If you feel angry, and you choose to hit a brick wall, you'll feel the consequences in your hand. If you choose to yell at someone, you'll feel some relationship consequences. If you choose to punch a pillow, you won't have the physical pain, but the emotional pain might linger. Therefore, choose to ponder. Think about what's happening inside your brain. (Don't dwell on other people; that won't improve your mood.) Do some detective work in your own mind and heart. Then, act in a healthy way to resolve the hurt.
What's one healthy way to resolve pain?
Talking to the other person related to the pain.
Yep. That means discussing the situation with your mother-in-law, your neighbor, or your co-worker. That means communicating with your sister, your aunt, or your fellow church member.
Notice that I used the word discuss in the above sentence. A discussion means that there is both listening and speaking going on. That means you need to talk and listen to the other person! When enough time has passed for both people to be cool-headed, you need to talk. Send him or her a text message or call them on the phone. Schedule a visit to the park or meetup for ice cream. The important part is that you get your true feelings out of your mouth - and that you don't blame the other person for your feelings.
Simply tell the other person, in a calm voice:
"I was a bit hurt when you forgot to invite my children to your group play date. Can we attend the next get-together?"
"I'm not sure what I did to make you angry, but I'm sorry that I offended you. I feel scared that our friendship might be affected. I do value your friendship. Can you help me understand what happened?"
"I feel trapped against the wall when you say that. I have no recourse, and that bugs me. Can we figure out a better way to solve this problem?"
Once you let your feeling out, you need to stay calm, and listen to the other person. Their answer may surprise you! Maybe their offensive action was accidental, or you misjudged them, or you heard wrong, and there is no ill-will meant to you. Maybe you really hurt them too, and you both have some changes to make. Just listen to them. Remember that this should not be a heated conversation. This is supposed to be a calm, humble conversation, so if people are angry or yelling, then stop. Take a break. And try again later.
Finally, work together to solve the problem. There is always a solution.
So, if you are feeling down, figure out the source of your feeling pain, and then act to improve it! Talk to the necessary person. Make amends. Apologize. Listen. And enjoy the peaceful freedom that comes from letting go of your emotional burden.
Sunday, July 30, 2017
Its beginning to look a lot like Christmas
I don't know about you, but decorating my house for Christmas is something I look forward to every year. I just love the way that our home feels during December....twinkling lights, Christmas music playing 24/7, baking cookies, the smell of the Christmas tree...it's just a magical time.
Growing up, the day after Thanksgiving, our family would load up in the car and head to the Santa Cruz mountains to cut down our Christmas tree. It was one of my favorite traditions.
Kevin and I did this the first 5 years of our marriage (before we had kids) And we have have done it about 3 times since having kids. There is nothing like going into the mountains & chopping down your tree. So fun.
We hadn't gone since 2010, but because of the California drought (and dry trees) and busy schedule we decided to postpone again (nothing worse than cutting down a tree that sheds tons and tons of pine needles)
When we don't go to the mountains to cut down a tree, we would go to Home Depot (ugh) but 2 years ago, we ended up getting a tree at Lucky (which is a grocery store) It was an awesome tree, so we have gone there the past 2 years. We went there again this year, but the trees they had there didn't look so good, so we went to Home Depot again. All those trees were too skinny, so we left and went to a local tree farm in our town, which is where we ended up getting our tree. It was almost double the price than we usually spend, but I am all about supporting a local business, so I didn't mind paying a little bit more.
Next year maybe we will head back to the Santa Cruz mountains and cut down a tree!
2 years ago, I gave up "control" and let the girls decorate the entire tree by themselves.
Kevin and I put the lights on, but let the girls to all the ornaments.
They do a great job! The first couple of years the spacing was a little off, but this year, the tree looks so great.
It feels good to "let it go" and just let them decorate how they want to. I remember my mom let my sisters and I decorate the tree how we wanted when we were kids.
So, here is a little tour of how our house looks decorated for the holidays!
Christmas cards displayed on the window by our dining room table. I love seeing all my friends beautiful families!
As you can tell, I love using ornaments as decorations :)
One of my favorite decorations is our Willow Tree Nativity Set that we got for a wedding gift 14 years ago. I love it.
For the kids, we have the Little People Nativity Set. They love playing with it!
Kevin's mom made this Advent Calendar for us when Kate was born. It is all handmade with felt & burlap. All the Larson kids/cousins had these growing up.
Nighttime views....because Christmas decorations are so much prettier at night.
Our staircase:
Other Decorations around our house (I like to keep things very simple because I don't like a lot of clutter!)
In our family room, I just have a glass Christmas tree on a side table:
And some JOY letters above our TV:
In our kitchen, I have a Merry Christmas banner hanging up:
I have some ornaments on the kitchen table:
I have a wreath on the kitchen window:
Very simple decorations in the kitchen:
It's a fresh wreath, so it smells good. I added some lights to it so that it twinkles:
Front Porch:
Kate made this snowman with her Girl Scout troop (the other side is a pilgrim, it's so cute)
This year, Kevin's mom snuck into our house on December 1st and put mini trees in each of their rooms.
They were so excited & they think they are from our Elf on the shelf :)
Speaking of our Elf..... that is another main decoration we have in our house during Christmas! Our Elf on the Shelf is named Candle.
For the first 5 years that we had our elf, he arrived on the first Sunday of Advent which is the Sunday after Thanksgiving.
Last year we waited until the first Sunday in December because we wanted to have one less week of dealing with the Elf :) We left this letter for them:
Last year we waited until the first Sunday in December because we wanted to have one less week of dealing with the Elf :) We left this letter for them:
(A little background: Marshmallow the Elf is Candle's "sister". A few years ago, Claire wanted us to have a girl elf instead of a boy elf, so I bought an elf skirt at Target. One of the mornings that the Elf arrived, the Elf had the skirt on & a note saying that Candle was sick, but Marshmallow (his sister) would be filling in for a few days. So, since then, Marshmallow makes an appearance 1 or 2 times each December)
The kids loved the letter last year (and Kevin & I loved the fact that we delayed the Elf by a week) so we decided to leave them a similar one this year:
So, just like last year our elf left a letter saying he was asked to be a part of the "N.E.W.T" (New Elf Training Program) Our kids thought it was so special our elf was chosen to be a part of it.
And, I loved that we only had to do the elf for a few weeks instead of a month.
You better believe our elf was asked to be a part of the N.E.W.T again this year.
Feel free to this idea :)
So, this past Sunday, Candle the Elf arrived...He is always in the same spot on day 1....in the bowl of ornaments on the coffee table in the living room.
The kids loved the letter last year (and Kevin & I loved the fact that we delayed the Elf by a week) so we decided to leave them a similar one this year:
And, I loved that we only had to do the elf for a few weeks instead of a month.
You better believe our elf was asked to be a part of the N.E.W.T again this year.
Feel free to this idea :)
So, this past Sunday, Candle the Elf arrived...He is always in the same spot on day 1....in the bowl of ornaments on the coffee table in the living room.
Candle brought their new Christmas jammies & a new DVD.
Candle also brought our 24 Christmas books of Advent all wrapped up...1 to read each night (we will have to double up some nights because we started late!
We do Elf on the Shelf slightly different in our house. Our elf does not "watch" the girls and report back to Santa. That is just not our style. Our Elf just likes to move around each night & the girls look forward to finding his new hiding spots. It is the first thing they do each morning.
And, I don't really do elaborate Elf ideas. Most of the places our Elf hides are simple. Maybe 1-2 times a week I will do something more elaborate, like a snow angel with flour, fill the sink with marshmallows in their bathroom like the Elf is taking a bath, but mostly we just move him around.
And, because I have forgotten to move him in years past, last year I started setting an alarm on my phone...anyone else have an alarm for their elf? Every night at 10:00 it goes off :)
Remember that song?!?
Thanks for taking a peek into our simply decorated house.
I love the way our home feels during Christmas.
The twinkle lights, the warmth, the anticipation of Christ's birth.
December is just a magical month, don't you agree?++++++++++++
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