Lets train: versus

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Sunday, June 4, 2017

Man versus Vampire in makeup

The following post was written by my wannabe blogger husband, Nate. Do enjoy:)

So tonight I was blessed with the opportunity [semi-forced] to watch parts of the teenage hit movie Twilight...and all I can say is “really”?!? I don’t get it. Is this one of the mysteries about women that us men will never understand? What would make an otherwise sane, perfectly normal 27 year old girl obsess over a high school drama about sexy [yet creepy] vampires? Come to think of it, my wife also likes Britney Spears and Miley Cyrus, so I might be onto something here. Regardless, a movie centered around love and sexy vampires made for high school girls isn’t my idea of fun but I sucked it up anyway and pretended to care.

Julia threw in the DVD and cued it right up to her fave part, Edward’s intro. The suspense was building as I was imagining how amazingly gorgeous this guy must be - I mean J wants his poster in our bedroom?!? Creepy what? In my head I quickly thought about the epitome of male perfection, but all I could come up with was Jack Black in Nacho Libre...pretty hot! Julia went all ‘Ceasar Milan’ on my butt when I tried to mention this vision during the movie, silencing me with the patented ‘shusht’ and an abrupt hand gesture. You know the move I’m talking about, right?

The scene starts with the Bella sitting at a table with some other girls talking about the swim team stuffing their speedos (funny what I remember from the scene, right?). And in walk four really really good looking, Zoolander-esque, people. Then...wait for it...following the four supermodels...wait for it...in walks Senor Edwardo - blue faced, lipstick, and eyeliner - talk about HOTT! Did I miss a memo, when did Smurf-esque looks become sexy? And the lipstick and eyeliner? People, look how we’re inspiring our country’s teens. In 15 years the population of San Francisco’s Castro District is going to sky-rocket! I didn’t mention the hair, because as you’ve all seen, I’d be a hypocrite to slam the man for his beautiful hair...yup, I’m jealous of his ridiculous mop and yet, I still feel like more of a man since I don’t wear makeup. I’ll always have that one on him.

So what is it ladies, why does this freakishly, borderline queer-looking guy capture your lust? How many of your boyfriends/husbands go out with eyeliner and lipstick? In fact, how many of you would want them dressing like that...or running and jumping through a forest like a freaking monkey on crack?

Other random thoughts: why doesn’t Edward just turn Bella into a vampire so they can live happily ever after? Julia says it’s because Bella wouldn’t live with her parents anymore and that would be sad, but I’m sure Bella could swing a deal and live with humans a while longer. And seriously, the Cullens can't call themselves vegetarians if they eat animals. That's just dumb. Plus, when the rogue vampires appeared and wanted to eat Bella [they aren't vegetarians, obviously] the stare-down from Edward was actually painful to watch it was so bad. And finally, my favorite part has to be when Bella discovers Edward’s true identity through Google. Nice work on that one, producers. Google rules.

And that does it, my schedule (and the NCAA tourney!) has unfortunately prevented me from watching the entire movie but I’m sure I’ll hear all about the next book Julia just started. I can hardly stand the suspense.

I still don’t get the obsession, and you girls must admit the movie IS corny! But if it makes you happy, so be it...and enjoy lusting over your diamond-skin-covered, pale, and make-up donned vampires.

See, he just gave us the stamp of approval somehow. Let's go look up more Edward pics, shall we?

And with that I'm off to Chicago for Kristen's highly anticipated bachelorette party. My biggest worry is what on earth a homebody like me shall wear for not one but TWO nights out in a big city. Um, I guess yoga pants and cotton tee shirts won't do, now will they? To make matters worse it's not quite Spring [and the highs are only going to reach 40] but I refuse to wear one of my Mr. Rodgers cardigans out to clubs in Chicago. I'm not THAT pathetic, am I? It's time to get creative, my friends. I swear I used to be a social butterfly with multitudes of going out clothes and now look at me....an old married hag who considers it 'dressing up' if I wear jeans and a sweater to the grocery store, instead of my sweats. Sigh. My new numbingly cold city inspires me to be a homely, I suppose. I can always blame it on the weather:)

But seriously---I cannot freaking wait. It might get nasty. G-rated pictures to follow.

Saturday, May 6, 2017

Love versus Lust on the Bachelorette

I finally had time last night to watch the Bachelorette premiere. Thank you Hulu!

The group of men chose Kaitlyn over Britt in a nail biting vote. I had watched the Bachelor last season, so I was pleased that she was chosen for the role of the Bachelorette. Her spunky personality and genuineness had endeared her to me and most of the men on the TV show. I don’t always watch the Bachelor/Bachelorette series, but I was planning on watching Kaitlyn’s journey.

But after the premiere I changed my mind.

I chose not to watch her season.

After the rose ceremony, the producers aired a sneak peek at Kaitlyn’s season as the Bachelorette. Like everyone before her, it looked like she was traveling the world, smiling, laughing, and enjoying the pleasures of being the Bachelorette. Until the doomsday music starts . . . a window is shown in a hotel. . . heavy breathing is heard. . .producers knocked on her hotel door. . . and it was revealed that she went too far and had sex with one of the contestants (before the Fantasy Suite.)

I was crushed! My heart ached for her and the other men on the show. Clips were shown of her in tears trying to process the consequences of her choice. Viewers saw a clip of her telling the other men that she had sex. I can’t imagine the heartbreak and pain those other men felt. One voice attempted to explain his pain by saying something along the lines of “You don’t even realize how you're making us feel.” Each of the men still on the “journey to love” with Kaitlyn were probably developing strong feelings for her, and her choice would be a painful betrayal.

I know the show offers the infamous Fantasy Suite for the final three contestants, and I dislike that idea wholeheartedly. I can’t imagine having three nights with three different people simply to confirm that a physical connection exists. My conservative values, my faith, and my experience as a counselor all assert that such an experience is unhealthy for relationships. The world may call me old-fashioned, but the Fantasy Suite is cheating. The contestants are encouraged to “prove” themselves through sex. That’s not healthy intimacy; it is forced out a fear that you might lose your chance to marry this person. In any scenario other than this TV show, you wouldn’t accept a proposal from someone who slept around with other people the previous week.

In a recent interview, Kaitlyn reported she is not ashamed for having sex on the show. “It’s 2015,” she said. Intimacy has been a part of every relationship she’s had, so why should the relationships on the show be any different? Such is the overwhelming opinion of the world today. I would point out that obviously none of her relationships worked out in the past. Giving of one’s self sexually, outside a committed relationships (aka marriage) usually leads to feelings of isolation and emptiness. Read dating advice boards – sex does not help un-committed relationships. It usually ends them. Even Kaitlyn laments, "You'd think I would learn at this point."

No wonder the other guys on the show were sobbing and upset. How do you build trust with someone who is betraying you in the most vulnerable way? Apparently later in the show there is another steamy scene with a different guy. Kaitlyn’s voiceover says, “I don’t care what people think. This is a marriage and part of that is intimacy.”

No, Kaitlyn. That is cheating. It is the epitome of selfishness.

Marriage is about trust, faithfulness, and caring about the other person’s feelings. Marriage is blissful and exciting because of that faithfulness. True love grows from selfless virtue, not selfish debauchery.

This season’s Bachelorette will no longer take up space on my Hulu feed.

I can’t support the blatant selfishness. Am I being too harsh? Ask couples who come in for marriage counseling if working through adultery is fun. You’ll get a big, fat “No!” Kaitlyn’s choice to sleep around, so blatantly and unapologetically, is cheating and betrayal in the most intimate and hurtful way. Those poor men. I was rooting for Kaitlyn to find love, but I predict her careless actions will lead towards heartbreak instead.

Her choices are not nurturing love.

Her lust is simply enjoying the moment.

Leonardo da Vinci wrote, “One can have no smaller or greater mastery than mastery of oneself.”

I hope the future contestants on the Bachelor series learn to control themselves.