Showing posts with label 2. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2. Show all posts
Saturday, August 12, 2017
Working Like a Man or How American Feminism Failed Part 2
As the 1960s dawned, so did the birth of feminism in earnest. Many arguments exist in regards to how the women’s movement gained steam. One theory is that the jobs were there waiting, so the women’s movement was a reaction to market pressure combined with a loss of national focus on families and childbearing (such as Marvin Harris in his book Why Nothing Works). Another theory, associated with Joan Williams in her book Unbending Gender argues that the women’s movement was a reaction to an actual loss of status of women as homemakers toward the end of the 1950s and beginning of the 1960s which was caused by women exiting the home and entering the workforce in increasingly larger numbers. It was at this time that the seeds of what we now refer to as “the mommy wars” was born (Anticipate an extensive exploration on that topic throughout the month of June). As the movement gained steam in the 1960s, American feminists focused more on redefining and redistributing gender relations which involved challenging the roles that women and men performed in the home and at work on both a public and private front. This in turn gave birth to the concept of equal rights, equal pay and being treated as equals in the workforce. Women at this time began challenging their entry into traditionally male professional positions as well. As Sylvia Ann Hewlett wrote in her book, A Lesser Life: the Myth of Women’s Liberation in America;
The slogans of the day were extraordinary: Marriage was hell, sex was political, coitus was killing, married women were prostitutes, babies were traps, intercourse was rape, love was slavery, families were prisons, and men were the enemies.
The problem with this push for equality is that the workplace was not asked to conform to the addition of women, specifically mothers, but that the mothers were asked to conform to the workplace. As a result, women ARE treated equally. They are expected to work 40+ hours, they are expected perform at the same levels with the same time commitments as men. In many ways they achieved their dream of equality: they compete equally in a workplace that still assumes that someone is at home taking care of the children and the home but without the supporting addition of the family wage. Now there is the assumption that most households subsist off of two incomes, unless the family has enough economic advantage (or is disadvantaged enough to secure assistance) to subsist off of one.
At the same time in Europe, in the 1960s, women and feminists were challenging things on a drastically different front. European feminists contrasted with American feminists in that while they experienced a similar shift of mothers into the workforce it has been supported through government benefits while the United States offers less governmental support for child care than does any other industrialized nation. European women focused their movement on the difference rather than equality and reconfiguring what would be considered the public and private spheres (what is considered private responsibility and what is considered public responsibility) rather than the American re-distribution of gender. In other words, they challenged that the family belonged in the public sphere and that instead of assuming that childbearing belonged within the privatized sphere of the family they fought for the idea that child care should be a publicly supported endeavor. As a result most European countries have generous, paid maternity leaves, easily available part-time jobs , subsidized child care and subsidized preschools for all children. The economic costs of these programs are offset by the reduction in turnover and the wider pool of labor looking to remain in the workforce (Ann Crittenden, The Price of Motherhood). In other words, few of the choices that European women make create an undue burden on their long-term financial future, at least not in the way similar choices would affect women in America. For example, when a woman in America chooses to stay home, she does not just lose salary, but a long-term security because she is not paying in to social security, thus becoming economically dependent on her spouse.
In conclusion (just in case you were wondering if I would ever get here) there was American feminism and its focus on re-coding gender stereotypes through “equal rights” and European feminism which focused on providing specific help for women’s unique gender positions. The result for American women was that they are expected to compete “equally” in a work environment that still operates under the assumption that all domestic labor (child care, domestic chores, house cleaning, laundry and other family maintenance) is being performed by someone who is still at home (an extensive subject to be addressed in future posts). So women are supposed to work 40hrs a week and compete equally without any compensation for having to place children in child care, or having to either hire a housecleaner or add a second shift. Meanwhile, in Europe, women are enjoying their “special status” as women and are much less conflicted in their roles as both mother and employee, seamlessly passing between the two.
Friday, August 4, 2017
Life Lately Vol 2
Hi. It's quiet around here, no? I suppose that is completely expected during this head-spinning-adjustment of being a working mom to three. But blog, I just can't quit you and feel the need to bookmark life's happenings lately. It's like I can hear these days whoosh past me in a giant blur of highs and lows and emotions. This whoosh always makes me want to stop, breathe, and type it all out a bit--even if blogs are 'out' and I've barely made time to read one myself. I still feel pulled to make the time for these updates. Not 'find' the time but make it. Right?
Things are good, kids are good, Nate is good, work is good, life is good. It's just a freaking roller coaster and that feeling of being TOTALLY FRAZZLED is currently a 7 out of a possible 10. Yes, I'm plastering a number to make my overwhelmed-ness objective. You'd expect this of me, I hope. Yesterday I was rocking a 2/10 with self-professed frazzlement because it was a great day at home, kick-butt productivity with my To Do list, especially happy children, and extra fun times as a mom were had. I mean, Porter laughed for the first time and I almost died from the cute and almost cried from how amazing that sound was to my ears. Emotions. Not short on those around here lately. Also, Truman took a nap on the couch after his first field trip at school, and I cannot remember the last time he napped. Not only that, but he happened to snooze at the exact same time as his younger siblings. Triple nap for the win, because that hour in itself was enough to stamp yesterday as a major success.
Seriously? We made these kids? How are we so lucky? Triple smiles. OMG.
Also, if baby flannel is wrong then I don't want to be right.
So anyway, today is less of a 'I can conquer the world as a mom' feeling and more of a 'holy man, I cannot possibly stretch myself any thinner. Gumby doesn't have anything on me.' And stuff. Defeated mommy rears her ugly head.
Sleep (or lack thereof) and also Nursing (or lack thereof) are the main sources of my 'on the brink of disaster' feelings. Let's discuss. SLEEP: The other night, I decided to try a dream feed for Porter with a big bottle of milk right before I went to bed. I mean, waking up 3+ times per night is becoming torture, although not a shock seeing as how I just really don't breed good sleepers. The first night it worked great, as he made it from bedtime at 7:30 (nursing down), bottle at 10:30, and then didn't peep until 2:45am when I nursed him (and again at 5:00). Two wake ups = good night by my standards. And a 7 hour stretch is ideal.
Last night I gave him the bottle at bedtime because he was NOT having the boob, so then I pumped and went to bed without a dream feed. He woke at 11:30, just an hour after I laid my bagged eyes to rest. I nursed him then and also every 1.5 hours there after (ugggggghhhhh) until he fa-REAKED at 4 am and I gave him a bottle. I slept on the couch from 5-6:30 because Nate was snoring and it was just a rough night of (pathetic) sleep. And then it was a work day and pretending to be professional running on a few hours of very broken sleep is a game I will surely lose soon.
Little sleep and dwindling nursing are a potent combination, guys. A combination that can send me straight to the depths of 'what am I doing wrong? You must hate me, children.' Followed up by 'whatever, I'm just rolling with it. Look at me being all zen and non-control-y.' Because Porter is seriously the best thing ever, and I refuse to let this nursing drama/lack of sleep tarnish my time with this quickly growing babe. MY LAST BABE. Sob.
(how can anything in life be bad when he is so cute?)
We are doing bottles during the day to solidify a routine of sorts and take some of the weight of the unknown off my shoulders. I pump when I can, even on days at home, and usually end up a cow hooked up to my udder sucker 3-4 times every day. It feels like 40 times per day, for real, because every time I'm pumping I have three children that need all of my arms plus an additional appendage I have yet to grow. It's a lot but whatever, I can be stubborn enough to do it. Plus, I gave Porter his first formula bottle at home yesterday, although I'm still *mostly* keeping up with his intake pumping. The world did not end. Go figure.
(New bottle and pumping gear to make it more fun and less awful. Retail therapy DOES help, my friends)
Wait. Are you counting the 'firsts' in this post so far? First triple nap, first laugh, first formula bottle I've ever mixed. Big timers! {Pausing to re-fill my wine glass here}
I'm like an exclusive pumper who still nurses before bed (most of the time), during the middle of the night (begrudgingly), and first thing in the morning. The LC had the fab idea of making 'pajama time' nursing time, since he does nurse the best when sleepy. But otherwise, it's his beloved bottle. And this set up is really working well for us since we both seem to crave routine and less wavering about whether or not to attempt nursing and have him freak. I honestly do feel at peace with nursing him just at night and doing bottles otherwise. It doesn't have to be all or none and hopefully he WILL continue to nurse a bit for me but if not, I just want him fed and happy. And to have no regrets but that may be asking too much from this crazy time of life. I want our breastfeeding journey to be a positive one and somehow end on a high note, without either of us crying. Crystal ball anyone?
Other updates not related to the boob or zzzzzzs: Cecelia seems to be leveling out her intense emotional peaks and valleys. She still neeeeeeeds me quite often but she is also showing signs of becoming a comedienne and has us rolling on the floor in laughter. She's just a goober and might be growing up a bit, which is alright if it means she's not trying to kill us with her meltdowns. Love my entertaining girl so much. Even when she is the queen of pout.
(This was during her re-telling of her day at Lori's, when she was only allowed one cup of juice. Was very distraught, obviously).
New sweater leggings on her rival my love for Porter in flannel, FYI.
Germ sharing...
(I'm not sure…)
(little princess balancing on daddy's hands)
Truman is also rocking school's face off. We had our first parent teacher conference weeks ago and it was a pride-filled meeting while we discussed our rule-following, people-pleasing first born. The teacher said he is a joy to have in class and he's her big helper, her example of good behavior, and her great listener. I mean, come on----can parents bust open from being proud?
(his teacher emailed me this picture of Truman and his 'mat man.' Talk about pride---look at his face!)
(napping mid-cookie takes talent)
Work days are actually falling into more of a routine and are less jarring to the delicate balance of life with three kids. It's a given that work day mornings are n-u-t-s and work day evenings are r-i-d-i-c because we are all exhausted and ready for bed by 6pm. But it's getting better. And work itself is still enjoyable and rewarding and a place where I can actually be on top of my organizational game a bit. Nothing like
It's especially nice to hear positive affirmations that I'm doing a good job with my PT role, because the mom role is severely under appreciated as we all know. It's not like my children look me in my eyes and thank me for wiping their butts, making them food they will likely refuse to eat anyway, helping them sort out their feelings, exposing them to super-fun activities with friends, etc. Now more than ever, being a mom feels especially thankless but it feels like the best job in the world, too. Such a paradox and worth it, times a million. I think having three children and working outside of the home three days per week has simply amplified my over thinking about both roles.
What else? Nate will be traveling all weekend and into next week, but my mom and Memaw will be coming for a visit. PERFEC TIMING, ladies. ;) Seriously cannot wait. The kids, and especially that little Porter P, are changing at record speeds so the monthly visits from The Ladies are a must.
OH, and remember Henry? He was once the sole focus of blog fodder and of our lives. The old mutt turned nine last weekend. We still love him lots even when he's acting a fool (like the rest of our crew).
To end this randomness, I will summarize in saying this: I'm stretched thin but I'm soaking in the beauty in being so incredibly needed by various aspects of my life. We are juggling. We are surviving and even enjoying the chaos in the process. I'm a giant cliche right now but I truly would not trade this time in my life for another….unless it somehow included more sleep and less of the 7/10 frazzlement rating I feel buzzing behind my eyes. Or maybe that's just my beloved coffee with the buzz. Either way, I'll take it!
Thursday, August 3, 2017
Cecelias First Birthday Party Projects part 2
Well, CC's party has come and gone and I'm sitting here with a major post-party hangover. Not from drinking too much...although our beverages were pretty fantastic at the party---ever hear of a Milwaukee Margarita with beer, tequila, lemon/lime mixer, and Squirt? Amazing. I'm sure there is a more official name for them but Nate was the one who wanted to make these bad boys and we went through four pitchers if that tells you anything. So good. I want another right now.
But I digress.
Her party was Saturday and it was SO awesome. And I'm sad that it's over after all of the planning and over-thinking and anticipating. But it was fab and therefore I must pull it together and blog about it.
I posted a few of my decorations/craft projects for Cecelia's party in this post, but now I have a lot more completed projects to share. And then I will give you a break before I bombard you with more pictures of the party itself in a different post. My poor camera has not seen this much action in the past few months combined compared to the past week! Love it.
Mantel decor:
When I was brainstorming this party, I wasn't sure what I would do for our fireplace and mantel area. Then Pear Tree Greetings contacted me and offered to let me try out some of their kids party decorations. Um, YES! I spent way too much time going through their website going over my options and then finally decided on a set of the 'Crown Me Princess' giant table confetti. I loved the round shape of the cards and knew I could come up with something fun for our wooden box on the mantel. Then I found this 'Colliding Collage' set and was obsessed with the ability to include lots of different pictures, so that was my second pick. I uploaded my pictures, customized my colors and fonts, and got really pumped when they arrived in the mail. So many possibilities, so little time!
I decided to tape the round cards to straws (classy, I know!), then put a bunch of plastic grocery bags in our wooden box, and covered them with strips of leftover nursery fabric. I stuck the straws in the folds of the bags and voila! A little 'garden' of sorts full of pinks, oranges, sweet sayings, and my baby girl.
And then I used the square cards to create banners---just hot glued the cards to some twine. I'm obsessed with all of the pictures on these cards and am considering hanging one in her bedroom for awhile. Love how it all turned out!
close up:
I pulled a few frames from the nursery and bought a few tiny ones from Michaels (which are still empty in these pictures, but were filled by the party).
I used a few of the square cards for decor on the light fixture above our table, too. I liked how they would spin around and could be visible from lots of spots in the dining room. I made a small pennant banner and hung it all up together on our lights--haven't taken this down yet either.
I had another long banner hung above our buffet, too.
And I attempted to use the panoramic function on my iPhone to get a feel for the whole room though, which was really fun (time waster) and you can kind of see it here, I guess. Who loves banners? This girl!
Monthly Banners:
After sweating my butt off taking these dreaded monthly shots on the quilt and on the chair, I knew I had to make banners to properly appreciate the effort;) I ended up just printing the images at Walgreens, and they were pretty inconsistent and horrible for a few of the shots---so I reprinted a few on our Canon photo printer downstairs, too. Annoying, but whatever. I found this pack of scalloped papers at Michaels on sale and just put one photo on each paper, hot glued the twine to the backs and was done!
Chalkboard print and menu board:
I think I'm most proud of my chalkboard print I designed in Photoshop for CC's party. These are all over Pinterest, of course, and it was fun to play around with different chalkboard fonts. I had it printed in a 16x20 size and mounted on double weight backboard through my photographer friend's printing company. It turned out so nice and I'm absolutely going to put this in her room or hang onto it for the future. And then there is our menu board we use each week---just a regular frame with scrapbooking paper behind the glass, writing on it with dry erase markers. Big menu for a little girl!
Had to show more pictures of just the chalkboard print;)
Nate's artsy Aunt made Cecelia this giant tissue paper flower, and brought it to the party. SO cute, right? Fits in perfectly in her nursery, too.
Outside:
We hung the wreath outside of our front door and then went with pink helium balloons. Super windy day and those poor balloons got beat up more than I expected, but oh well! They were also a lot more expensive than I expected so we had to make them work....and the kids had a fun time playing with them the day after the party, too.
Crown and hair bow:
GoGo saves the day with a few special crafts of her own! She made Cecelia a felt crown with removable numbers, so that she can wear it for years to come. You can kind of see the high chair banner I made from the Pear Tree Greetings round cards, too;)
And her hair bow? Obsessed. More felt and she even made little felt balls somehow. That GoGo!
Bulletin board and monthly heads:
I posted about both of these before, but here they are totally finished!
Desserts:
Yes, I know that food is not really a craft or 'project' but I'm including them here because they were on my list of things to complete (instead of Nate's, or my in-laws') .
I wanted to make Cecelia a smash cake like you see on Pinterest---sort of smallish, on a pretty cake plate, with fun topper. Lois had a vintage cake plate, so that part was easy. I wanted the icing to be pink so we bought strawberry frosting in a can, and made a yellow cake from a box (fancy!). Then I got creative with round cookie cutters and SHOULD have paid attention to where I cut the big cake. Because obviously, it was a little wonky and uneven. Also, my canned icing was WAY too thick and I almost threw it all away in a fit of rage. But Memaw saved the cake by adding a tiny bit of milk to the frosting can. Much smoother and easier to spread compared to the original stuff that totally shredded the cake. Funny stuff looking back---not at the moment. This is why I don't love projects in the kitchen!
I used this pink doilie (how in the heck do you spell it?) that Nate's patient made for us randomly, simply because it was round the right colors. I had to put the cake down on something anyway, so it worked! Then I made the little pennant banner out of fabric scraps and we had ourselves a smash cake.
And with the cake on the pretty pink table runner that Lois sewed from nursery fabric scraps? This die hard pink fan is in love.
We did cupcakes for the rest of our guests and I made royal icing cookies---putting all of the desserts on the main table was a fun idea in theory but it only meant that kids went nuts on the cookies from the first minute of the party. Whatever goes at a birthday party!
Re: the royal icing cookies--I've gotten a lot of questions about these on Instagram, so I'll talk about them here, too. This was my fourth time ever making these cookies and it definitely gets easier each time. But it's tedious and putsy---which is something right up my alley when it comes to 'projects', so I don't mind the whole process. I'm a total newbie and really have no clue what I'm doing, so it's laughable that I'm even sharing my 'technique' here. But I just like to play around with bright colors and designs on cookies, so this is a fun one for me.
It takes about three days for me to make these cookies: one day to bake the cut out sugar cookies and let them cool; one day to mix up the icing and do the base layer; and one day to do the top layer of decorating. My friend Hannah is really good at these and she taught me her method, which she got from Annie's Eats. Again, I am NOT an expert and it's a learning process but it just takes practice, it seems.
I went with heart-shaped cut out cookies because of our loose theme of 'heartbreaker' for Cecelia's party. Then I used hot pink, made a golden-yellow shade, I tried to make a turquoise but it was a lot daker than expected, and somehow made a periwinkle color, too. Four colors, about 36 cookies and lots of time;)
First step versus second step:
Oh, it's so much fun and so many photo ops with these pretties.
I bagged about half of these and put them in a new pink and orange storage box that I got. I thought about making all of these cookies into favors that were bagged up, but then I decided that I kind of wanted to show them off during the party, too. Didn't even get one myself!
I think that's it as far as projects and decorations. Now onto writing the post about the party itself....because it wasn't ONLY about decorations and crafts;)
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