Showing posts with label Working. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Working. Show all posts
Sunday, August 13, 2017
Moms Make it Work Kendra Full Time Working Mom in Management
Today on the Moms Make it Work series we have Kendra posting as a full time working mom in a management position. I had a few requests for this type of mom to post and Kendra came through for us via Instagram. She is a fellow Wisconsin girl in healthcare, who suffered a miscarriage so automatically I could relate to Kendra (even without the management-type career). And then the sleeeepp issues. Oh, the sleep. I feel you, girl!! Enjoy;)
Hello, my name is Kendra and I'm a full time nurse coordinator (think of it as mid-level management) and mother of a one year old (July 8th!) living in a suburb of Madison, WI. I've been following Julia since somewhere around her 1st pregnancy and it's just worked out that topics she has shared ended up having relevance in my own life (miscarriage, cloth diapering, pumping, etc.) later on. This series has been so interesting to me, as it began shortly after I returned to work and I feel like my pumping sessions wouldn't be the same without all of these awesome guest posts! I don't currently blog, but I'm on Instagram as kendraoc.
What is your background story?
I grew up in a suburb of Milwaukee, but always dreamed of going away to college. I did a health care apprenticeship in high school where I worked as a nursing assistant in a hospital and then a nursing home, so I knew early on that I wanted to be a nurse. I loved helping people, getting to know all sorts of patients, and I also knew that there are so many different job opportunities in nursing. I went to the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia for four amazing years. While I was there, my mom was diagnosed with stage I breast cancer and while attending radiation treatments with her, I realized that oncology was where I belonged. I worked on an inpatient oncology and bone marrow transplant floor at a major university hospital back in WI after my junior year of college, and ended up with a job there after college when my best friend from home asked me to be her roommate.
I only planned on being back in WI for a year or two, but as the end of my first year approached, I met my husband at a co-worker's party. We dated for 4 years before getting engaged, and have been married now for almost 5 years. He now works for his family's business that is based here, so we're pretty much settled here for quite a while.
I always somehow "knew" that conceiving a child would be challenging for me. Long story short, I don't ovulate on my own for unknown reasons. My husband and I embarked on fertility treatments in November 2011 and were overjoyed to get pregnant on our third cycle in February 2012. We had planned a trip to Paris and Nice, France in March as sort of a last hurrah before babies, so it seemed that things were falling into place. Unfortunately, on our second night in Paris, I had a miscarriage. Our first views of the Arc de Triomphe were in a cab on our way to the American Hospital in Paris. It was an experience that I can't even begin to describe here We got pregnant again our first cycle after the miscarriage, but had a missed miscarriage in June 2012.
We took a small break from things and got pregnant again in October 2012. As if the emotions of the year had not been enough, I got the positive pregnancy test result for my third pregnancy less than 24 hours after sitting at my grandmother's bedside as she passed away.
My husband, fertility doctors, therapist and the OB I chose were so great in supporting me through the vomiting, anxiety, and impatience of this pregnancy. I gave birth to our daughter Elsa on July 8, 2013.
What was your career before you became a mom?
I've worked at the same academic medical center since college, changing roles a few times, but always staying with oncology. I'm currently a nurse coordinator, managing the clinic where patients receive chemotherapy and undergo procedures. I've been in this role for 2 1/2 years.
-What are the best parts of your situations?
Unlike some jobs in nursing, I don't work any holidays or weekends, just M-F. I love the field that I'm in and I'm constantly learning new medications and technology. I've maintained my clinical skills so that I can jump in to do patient care and cover staff for breaks. It can be so satisfying to be able to place an IV on the first try for patient who has been through some rough times.The people are who really keep me coming back: I have a great manager who is also a working mom, a lot of staff that I'm friends with from before I took a management role, and of course some pretty awesome patients.
What are the challenges?
I'm sort of obsessed with my daughter and spending time with her, so obviously I'm thinking about her all day. I mean look at this face:.
More practically speaking though, my commute can take anywhere from 30-60 minutes, and since almost every major roadway is under construction this summer in WI, driving and parking can sometimes be very stressful. On the days I pick Elsa up from daycare, my husband knows I can call with 15 minutes notice because I am stuck in traffic and won't make it. The one and only daycare "event" they had for us around Christmas I missed because it was snowing and it took me an hour and 45 minutes to get there. I cried for about 15 minutes, and then realized at least this year she wouldn't remember that Mommy wasn't there.
Keeping the household in order from cooking, cleaning, bills, grocery shopping, etc. also stresses me out a bit. There just never seems to be enough time, and I've had to lower my standards significantly in the cooking and cleaning departments for sure.
At least one night per week, my job requires me to be the late manager on site. This means I am there until the last patient is gone, which can be anywhere from 5:30 on a great day, to 7ish when we have an emergency patient situation or someone who needs to be admitted to the hospital. I know that's not horribly late or anything, but see the above about my commute, and then factor in a child who is not the best sleeper and pretty much refuses to go to sleep until Mommy is home and can breastfeed her. This means I pretty much fly in the door, grab the child, change my clothes, pull out the boob, and do the bedtime routine.
Is this how you expected it to be pre-kids?
I never really pictured myself SAH, although it is a nice grass is always greener sort of fantasy I have, I think I'll always be working. I did however, think with a job in nursing that I would work part-time once I had kids, but once I took a management position, it sort of locked me into a full time job, at least for now.
-Is this your ideal situation? If not, what is?
I think my ideal situation would be my same job but working 4 days a week instead of 5, in order to get all of the household stuff done during the week instead of letting it take over our weekends.
-Do you see yourself making a career change (whatever that means) in the next 5-10 years? Or is this current set up staying put for the long haul?
I had actually started graduate school for a masters in nursing administration while I was pregnant, but I've put that on hold since I think it's pretty much impossible with my current set up to be doing school while working full time with a child. I think I'll stay in my current role for at least the next 5 years, but at some point I would love to finish my masters to open myself up for different career opportunities.
-Tips on how you make your situation work for you:
1. Daycare: We love the center Elsa goes to, and I have full confidence in her teachers. She is a pretty social child and she lights up when she sees her main teacher and all her little friends. We picked a center that is 5 minutes from our home and my husband's work. He has much more flexibility in when he goes in or leaving early to pick her up if she's sick. When I was pregnant, I assumed he would do most of the daycare drop off and pick up, but after I went back to work, I realized that I enjoy interacting with her teachers and learning about what she's doing. Now I try to do a mix of 5 pick ups or drop offs per week.
2. Hour flexibility: About a month after I went back to work, I had a talk with my boss and told her I was really struggling with the days I was the late manager. I was gone from Elsa from 7 am to close to 7 pm, so we worked out a plan that I come in around 9:30 am the days I am expected to work late. I mentioned that my husband's hours are flexible, and he can even work at home if he needs to, but it also helps that my manager is also very understanding of the need to leave early or come in late for doctor appointments or if Elsa is sick.
3. Use "shortcuts": I use online shopping for a LOT of things. It's just so much easier to order stuff on my Amazon app on my phone while I'm pumping or stock up on clothes on sale online with free shipping and returns than trying to schlep to stores on the weekend or after work. We also used this site Plated for meal delivery a lot this winter, when I was struggling with meal planning. You pick at least two meals for the week and they deliver all the food you need to make it, with things like spices already measured. I love cooking, but deciding what to make, so this worked well for us. In the summer, we use a local farm's CSA, so we have big bags of produce that I actually pick up at work, so I can throw together meals from whatever is fresh that week.
-How do you handle mommy guilt?
Well, I try not to compare myself or my child to anyone else's---I know that we're all just doing the best we can, and that every child is different. I've learned to trust my instincts as a mom and do what my husband and I feel is right for Elsa and right for us, rather than try to read through parenting books or feel bad that I'm not following the latest unsolicited piece of advice. I've also learned that along this parenting journey, things go much better when you don't start saying, "oh, I'll NEVER do xyz".
My best example of all of this would be Elsa's sleeping: I remember when I was pregnant telling people that she would be in our room in a pack and play until 3 months old. Well, 3 months came, and after an awful night of trying to transition her to her own room/crib, my husband and I realized that neither of us actually wanted her out of our room, we just felt like that's what we were supposed to do. We brought her back in the next night and we all slept much better. Around 5 months, I came down with an awful flu and she started teething and we were just not sleeping. I ended up bringing her into bed with us, and she slept better than ever before. Now, at 11 months, she usually sleeps in her crib until about 10:30 and then sleeps with us in bed the rest of the night. I've had lots of advice on how to get her out of our bed, stop nursing her at night, sleep through the night, and on, but my husband and I are okay with our situation for now, so we're not trying to change anything at the moment. Unless I can find someone giving advice who wants to come to my house and wake up with my daughter throughout the night, we'll probably figure things out on our own.
-Advice for new moms struggling with returning to work outside of the home? Or struggling to decide if staying at home is the right choice?
I guess see above about trusting your own instincts, and know that what's right for you might not be right for the next mom. I also agree with what others have said about giving your situation some time to settle before making a big change. I think it's always hard the first few months you go back to work, but then you get into a groove and figure out what works and doesn't work for you and your family.
-How do you keep your house clean? Power cleaning after bedtime? Staying out of the house as much as possible? Cleaning while kids are awake? Purging often? Cleaning schedule?
I never really feel like it's up to my standards anymore, so I suggest lowering these significantly :) I really hate spending a lot of my Elsa time on the weekends cleaning, so I usually have my mom or mother-in-law watch her at our house for a couple hours so I can do a big clean all at once. My husband usually cleans up any toys while I'm nursing Elsa or doing the bedtime routine. I'm not good at doing a whole lot during the week other than dishes and washing cloth diapers. I actually think I finally convinced my husband that we need a cleaning service twice a month, so I think this will make me worry even less about house maintenance.
{Thanks, Kendra! Find the rest of the MMIW series here}
Saturday, August 12, 2017
Working Like a Man or How American Feminism Failed Part 2
As the 1960s dawned, so did the birth of feminism in earnest. Many arguments exist in regards to how the women’s movement gained steam. One theory is that the jobs were there waiting, so the women’s movement was a reaction to market pressure combined with a loss of national focus on families and childbearing (such as Marvin Harris in his book Why Nothing Works). Another theory, associated with Joan Williams in her book Unbending Gender argues that the women’s movement was a reaction to an actual loss of status of women as homemakers toward the end of the 1950s and beginning of the 1960s which was caused by women exiting the home and entering the workforce in increasingly larger numbers. It was at this time that the seeds of what we now refer to as “the mommy wars” was born (Anticipate an extensive exploration on that topic throughout the month of June). As the movement gained steam in the 1960s, American feminists focused more on redefining and redistributing gender relations which involved challenging the roles that women and men performed in the home and at work on both a public and private front. This in turn gave birth to the concept of equal rights, equal pay and being treated as equals in the workforce. Women at this time began challenging their entry into traditionally male professional positions as well. As Sylvia Ann Hewlett wrote in her book, A Lesser Life: the Myth of Women’s Liberation in America;
The slogans of the day were extraordinary: Marriage was hell, sex was political, coitus was killing, married women were prostitutes, babies were traps, intercourse was rape, love was slavery, families were prisons, and men were the enemies.
The problem with this push for equality is that the workplace was not asked to conform to the addition of women, specifically mothers, but that the mothers were asked to conform to the workplace. As a result, women ARE treated equally. They are expected to work 40+ hours, they are expected perform at the same levels with the same time commitments as men. In many ways they achieved their dream of equality: they compete equally in a workplace that still assumes that someone is at home taking care of the children and the home but without the supporting addition of the family wage. Now there is the assumption that most households subsist off of two incomes, unless the family has enough economic advantage (or is disadvantaged enough to secure assistance) to subsist off of one.
At the same time in Europe, in the 1960s, women and feminists were challenging things on a drastically different front. European feminists contrasted with American feminists in that while they experienced a similar shift of mothers into the workforce it has been supported through government benefits while the United States offers less governmental support for child care than does any other industrialized nation. European women focused their movement on the difference rather than equality and reconfiguring what would be considered the public and private spheres (what is considered private responsibility and what is considered public responsibility) rather than the American re-distribution of gender. In other words, they challenged that the family belonged in the public sphere and that instead of assuming that childbearing belonged within the privatized sphere of the family they fought for the idea that child care should be a publicly supported endeavor. As a result most European countries have generous, paid maternity leaves, easily available part-time jobs , subsidized child care and subsidized preschools for all children. The economic costs of these programs are offset by the reduction in turnover and the wider pool of labor looking to remain in the workforce (Ann Crittenden, The Price of Motherhood). In other words, few of the choices that European women make create an undue burden on their long-term financial future, at least not in the way similar choices would affect women in America. For example, when a woman in America chooses to stay home, she does not just lose salary, but a long-term security because she is not paying in to social security, thus becoming economically dependent on her spouse.
In conclusion (just in case you were wondering if I would ever get here) there was American feminism and its focus on re-coding gender stereotypes through “equal rights” and European feminism which focused on providing specific help for women’s unique gender positions. The result for American women was that they are expected to compete “equally” in a work environment that still operates under the assumption that all domestic labor (child care, domestic chores, house cleaning, laundry and other family maintenance) is being performed by someone who is still at home (an extensive subject to be addressed in future posts). So women are supposed to work 40hrs a week and compete equally without any compensation for having to place children in child care, or having to either hire a housecleaner or add a second shift. Meanwhile, in Europe, women are enjoying their “special status” as women and are much less conflicted in their roles as both mother and employee, seamlessly passing between the two.
Tuesday, August 1, 2017
Moms Make it Work Priscilla Full Time Working Military Mom
Today on the Moms Make it Work series is Priscilla, and her sister-in-law is a blog reader that suggested she write for our series. Priscilla works full time and part of those hours are spent working from home, along with traveling a bit for her job. Her husband is in the military (we've had so many awesome military families featured in this series!!) and she doesn't have family in her area, so that means she does a fair share of solo parenting, too. Priscilla just started blogging at Lola's World Unveiled and is very honest about her current situation: it's harder than she expected but worth it! Enjoy!
What is your background Story? What was your career/schooling before you became a mom? And where are you now?
I found out about Julia’s blog from a good friend of mine, my sister-in-law actually. She was the one that told me about the “Moms Make It Work” series. When I looked into it I thought it was such a great idea. Showcasing different moms from all over and sharing their story and how they make it work. So I decided to give it a try and tell you my story. I actually just started blogging, my sister-in-law was the one that got me into it. I do enjoy it and when I have the free time I sit and just write about my life experiences. If you want to check out my blog and read my story you can find me @ “Lola’s World Unveiled.” Until then, this is how I make it work….
What is your background Story? What was your career/schooling before you became a mom? And where are you now?
I waited a long time before I even entertained the idea of becoming a mom let alone a wife for that matter. While I was going to school for my Bachelors and throughout primarily my whole life I had a vision of who I thought I was going to become. I have always envisioned myself becoming a great success. I didn’t know where my journey was going to lead up entirely, but what I did know was that I was going to live in New York City and make a ton of money. I never saw myself getting married or let alone having children until maybe my thirties, if at all. Everything I did in life I tried to succeed at and be the best at it. So when I thought of having a family it wasn’t something that I was looking for, even though I did want one eventually. I always felt that having a family would have hindered me from my goals in life and it wasn’t what I pictured for myself. It’s hard enough for a woman to achieve great success in the working environment and I didn’t want anything to get in my way. But then one day HE came along, and that all changed.
Before I became a Mom I had a Bachelors and was going for my Master’s. I graduated with my Master’s when my baby was only a month old. I was also working as a Sales Manager for a high end Fashion Company while living in New Jersey. Life was good, I was making good money and living a pretty fantastic life. Everything seemed to be going in the right direction, I had a wonderful husband and a fabulous life, what more could I ask for.
The million dollar question, where am I now?
I am living across the country in the furthest place I’d ever find myself from where I started (California), with a three year boy and a husband who is in the U.S Marine Corps. That’s right, this girl right here is a military wife, who would have known?! I work as a Sales Manager for an Engineering Company in San Diego. Life is good right now, I can finally say that things are getting back to how they use to be. It took some time to get to where I am now and the journey was a bumpy one, but it only made me a stronger person. Having a child has really put things in different perspectives but also made me view life differently. Being a mommy is probably one of the best things that could have happen to me. It definitely had its challenges in the beginning because it was uncharted territory for me and I had to give up a lot of myself for it. I made a ton of sacrifices with work and my career moves but it was all worth it.
The Best Parts and the Challenges of my situation?
Best part of my situation is being able to see my baby boy grow up, while managing my career and being a wife all at the same time. I’m so blessed to have a job that gives me the flexibility I need to still be a mom and still get my job done. I do have to travel at times for work but the perks are being able to work from home half the time. So I’m still able to spend that quality time with my little one. Not to mention that being a military wife doesn’t make matters any better for me and sometimes puts a significant strain on life. Being able to travel the world and go to places I would never live in, if it weren’t for my husband’s career can be pretty cool at times. But this too is a great challenge for me, because I find myself living in his shadow and following his dreams rather than mine. It’s a catch 22.
Not to mention my husband has a strenuous job and crazy work schedule. At the moment he is a Drill Instructor, so what that means for me is that I have to play the role of mommy and daddy 80 percent of the time. I basically play the role of a single mom with a husband, if that makes any sense at all. He is always gone and sometimes is away for days at a time. Luckily this is only a three year duty so once it’s done he will go back to a regular schedule, but for now it’s all work and no play. It definitely puts all the pressure on me to balance the household and everything in it. It can be hard at times but my motto is "what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger." Luckily it’s not forever.
Is this what I thought it would be like and is it my ideal situation?
This is not what I thought it would be like at all, considering the fact that I live 3000 miles away from my friends and family. However, for the moment it works for me. This is where God and fate led me and I strongly feel that my future was destined to be where I am at. I’m with the love of my life and have a beautiful healthy boy so I can’t complain.
My ideal situation would probably be to have another baby. I think about having another baby at times especially now more than ever because my three year old is getting so big. What do they call it, “baby fever” but with baby comes a ton more responsibility, which I know I can handle. However, at this point in time it probably wouldn’t be the smartest move for me. I am finally getting to a place in my career that can bring great success and having another baby might delay things for me, which scares me. It’s a catch 22 for women that want to achieve success in the workforce but still maintain a family. I guess my situation is a bit more complex because my husband’s career can sometimes battle mine without meaning to. Moving every so often because of the military is really challenging when you’re trying to make a name for yourself as a working woman. Being a mom and wanting to have a successful career is difficult to begin with but I never thought I would be going up against my husband’s career and his success too. I wasn’t oblivious to the military life and I knew what I was getting myself into when I married him, I just didn’t think it would be this hard. However, he is the man of my dreams and just like having my son, putting myself on hold is what I would do for the two loves of my life. I just hope I don’t have any regrets in the future.
Tips on how you make your situation work for you?
I honestly don’t know. I feel like I am super mom. My situation is tougher than most because I live across the country from my family and close friends. So having the ability to say “Mom I’m dropping off your grandson” is not an option. One thing I will say that works for me is communication, communication, communication with the husband. Since it’s just us two and I do majority of the work when he is not around, I make sure that he knows everything that goes on at home and work. So whether it’s texting or leaving voicemails, my husband is always in the loop. And because I work from home half the time it’s not too bad for me. Daycare is always a big help! Not to mention a glass of wine at night while the little one is sleeping, keeps me sane!
How do you handle mommy guilt?
When I first put my son in daycare, I was so devastated. He is my baby and I didn’t want anyone taking care of him but me. But I couldn’t stay at home forever and money doesn’t grow on trees. Although staying at home started to drive me a little stir crazy and I found myself longing to get back in the real world having adult conversations. Luckily after a couple of weeks the mommy guilt slowly faded. Besides, he loves daycare and just to see him smile as he says goodbye to me when I drop him off makes me realize I made the right decision.
Advice for new moms struggling with returning to work or if staying home is the right choice?
What will the next 5-10 years bring?
Hopefully, the next five years is going to be about me and my success. I have followed my husband long enough and now it’s my time to shine and luckily he is more than happy to join me in the ride to our success as a family. Fingers crossed that all this education I have, will be my ticket into all my dreams that I left behind the moment I said yes! And hopefully somewhere along the lines baby number two comes along. There is no telling what the future will have in store for me. Hopefully the possibilities are endless, and if you want to read along in my journey you’re more than welcome too. It’s an interesting story to say the least.
Is this what I thought it would be like and is it my ideal situation?
Tips on how you make your situation work for you?
How do you handle mommy guilt?
Advice for new moms struggling with returning to work or if staying home is the right choice?
It will get better! It’s always difficult in the beginning because you are not sure if going back to work makes you a bad mom, but trust me it doesn’t. I feel that it’s good for us to get back to work, because it balances life out. Don’t get me wrong I know plenty of stay at home moms that love to be at home with their kids all day, and hey I commend them. But if you don’t have the luxury to stay at home because you need the dual income or if you just want to work because it’s what you love to do. Just know it does get better and only makes us working mommies that much stronger.
What will the next 5-10 years bring?
Hopefully, the next five years is going to be about me and my success. I have followed my husband long enough and now it’s my time to shine and luckily he is more than happy to join me in the ride to our success as a family. Fingers crossed that all this education I have, will be my ticket into all my dreams that I left behind the moment I said yes! And hopefully somewhere along the lines baby number two comes along. There is no telling what the future will have in store for me. Hopefully the possibilities are endless, and if you want to read along in my journey you’re more than welcome too. It’s an interesting story to say the least.
{Thanks, Priscilla! To find the rest of the MMIW series click here}
Sunday, July 2, 2017
Moms Make it Work Mary Part Time Working Mom in Japan
Today we have one of my real-life, met-in-person-without-the-blog, long distance friends posting for our Moms Make it Work series. Funny (but hopefully not too confusing) story about how I met Mary: back when I was pregnant with Truman, I took a pre-natal yoga class and met this 'really nice, really pretty girl with a gorgeous wedding ring' who was due two weeks after me with her first baby. I even wrote about this encounter in my 32 week pregnancy post and find it hilarious that it was MARY who was my 'yoga friend.' I didn't last through the entire yoga class series since I got pre-E and was on bed rest, and I remember being truly sad that I wouldn't get to see my new friend again and we never exchanged contact information.
Then somehow, through another one of my then-internet friends (Kelly), I discovered that Kelly's friend Dizzy had a sister-in-law named Mary, who lived downtown and was expecting her first baby. Did I lose you there? It all sounded so familiar and I asked Kelly if this 'Mary' was blonde, pretty, and had a gorgeous wedding ring (yes, this is what I remember about her). We eventually figured out that Mary=yoga friend, who had Annie a little after I had Truman, and Dizzy=now one of my best friends who happened to have her very first baby (Charlotte) on the same day I had Truman…both of us induced with pre-E. SMALL WORLD. So thank you, yoga class, for introducing me to Mary and therefore Dizzy.
Mary emailed me and offered to post for this series and I immediately jumped on the chance to hear more about how she makes it work as an American mom living in Japan with two little girls. She did not disappoint, so enjoy!
Big thanks to Julia for organizing and allowing me to my post for this great series. I'm a mostly stay at home mom to two little girls living in Tokyo, Japan. I teach a few fitness classes on the side. My husband and I keep a blog (bfamilytravels) of some of our experiences and travels abroad, but I haven't written much about domestic life so it felt good to get this all down in writing! I hope my post gives readers a little bit of a peek into what it's like to raise young kids in a (very) foreign country.
-What is your background story? What was your career/schooling before you became a mom? And where are you now?
I received a degree in Communications from Loyola University Chicago in 2007. After college I worked for a non profit in Boston, reconnected with and started dating Joe, and within five short months we were engaged and moving to Milwaukee! I did some temp work there before getting pregnant with Annie and became a full time SAHM after her birth. Shortly after, my husband took a job with The Walt Disney Company and we relocated to Orlando for eight short months before moving AGAIN to Burbank, CA.
After the birth of our second daughter, Elizabeth, I discovered a passion for fitness so I became certified as a group fitness instructor. I started out teaching 2 spin classes a week in Burbank at the YMCA and loved it.
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| Little baby Annie |
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| Annie soaking up her short time spent as an only child |
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| Mid labor! After this we were off to the hospital via McDonald's drive thru for an Egg McMuffin, obviously |
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| Family of Four |
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| Holding my newest girl |
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| Annie seeing her sister for the first time |
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| Sweet little baby Elizabeth |
We were enjoying life in the Los Angeles area when an opening in Tokyo came up with Joe's company. While it was bittersweet to give up our great life in California, it was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity we couldn't pass up. We thought it came at an ideal time for us since our girls were young, 1 and 3 at the time, and since it is about a 3 year assignment, it's possible for us to move back to the US before they start grade school.
Shortly after arriving here in Tokyo in June, 2013, I was able to find some exercise classes to teach at the Tokyo American Club (TAC), which is about 1 mile from our apartment. Since I did not have a work visa, I had to apply for one that would allow me to work up to 29 hours per week. I paid a firm a small fee to take care of the paper work and about a month later I was eligible to work in Japan.
Shortly after arriving here in Tokyo in June, 2013, I was able to find some exercise classes to teach at the Tokyo American Club (TAC), which is about 1 mile from our apartment. Since I did not have a work visa, I had to apply for one that would allow me to work up to 29 hours per week. I paid a firm a small fee to take care of the paper work and about a month later I was eligible to work in Japan.
I now teach four spin classes and two bootcamps per week at TAC. So, I guess I can consider myself a "part time" working mom, but it doesn't feel like work since if I wasn't teaching I would still be going to the gym to exercise during those times! It really is like getting paid to exercise, something I really enjoy, so I feel very lucky. In total, loosely including class planning, set up and clean up, teaching only takes up about nine hours per week. Again, not really significant to me since I also get my workouts in during that time. My classes are spread out over three days so the two weekdays that I don't teach feel extra luxurious.
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| View from my "office" |
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| They like to exercise like mommy |
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| Let's build some nice lean muscle, ladies |
-What are the best parts of your situations? What are the challenges?
There are many great things about being an ex-pat in Tokyo. We weren't sure what to expect when we accepted this assignment, but after our initial house hunting trip here we returned to the US with the feeling "This is going to be awesome!" We live right in the heart of Tokyo in an amazing apartment in a building with many other expat families.
Annie's nursery school, The American School in Japan's Early Learning Center, occupies the first three floors of our building, so drop off can't get much more convenient than that! If she needs to be there by 8:30, we can head to the elevator at 8:28 and make it just in time. It is especially helpful on those days when we are behind in the morning and can bring her lunch later on or drop off anything we forgot to send her with in the morning. I also like the piece of mind I get from her being so close.
We've made some great friends in our building and I think the best way to describe it is like living in a really fun college dorm for grownups. Because most expat assignments attempt to normalize you to the lifestyle you had back in the US, we are able to live a lifestyle in the world's largest and most expensive city that we would never be able to afford otherwise! Sometimes I feel I need to pinch myself that this is really my life.
Annie's nursery school, The American School in Japan's Early Learning Center, occupies the first three floors of our building, so drop off can't get much more convenient than that! If she needs to be there by 8:30, we can head to the elevator at 8:28 and make it just in time. It is especially helpful on those days when we are behind in the morning and can bring her lunch later on or drop off anything we forgot to send her with in the morning. I also like the piece of mind I get from her being so close.
We've made some great friends in our building and I think the best way to describe it is like living in a really fun college dorm for grownups. Because most expat assignments attempt to normalize you to the lifestyle you had back in the US, we are able to live a lifestyle in the world's largest and most expensive city that we would never be able to afford otherwise! Sometimes I feel I need to pinch myself that this is really my life.
A big positive for us so far has been the relative safety of the city. While I'm aware that bad things can happen anywhere in the world at any time, it eases some of the normal parental anxiety to live in a place where it's not uncommon to see kids as young as five or six walking themselves home from school or riding the train alone. Japanese people are extremely kind to foreigners and always eager to help in any way they can. The standard of service is impeccable and most places are very child friendly. I vividly remember a McDonald's employee running out onto the sidewalk with a wet rag when she saw me struggling with two little girls and two rapidly melting ice cream cones in the brutal summer heat. Also, I just realized that is the second time I've mentioned McDonald's thus far in this post. We like McDonalds.
I'm sure it sounds cliche, but we think it's been a great opportunity to expose the girls to a new culture. I love it when Annie will randomly tell me the Japanese word for something with perfect pronunciation (mine is awful). She'll say things like, "Hey mom, can we get kakigori (shaved ice) this weekend?" I know they are too young to "get" a lot of things, but I like the fact that Annie is even aware that we are living in a different country with people who speak a different language. I get a kick out of Lizzy yelling "Sumimasen!" (excuse me) to passing pedestrians when I ring the bell on my bike.
Despite my weekly Japanese lessons, my Japanese is still sadly lacking since I never devote any time to studying. Everything about learning Japanese is HARD to me. They have THREE alphabets - I am slowly learning one, Katakana, which has come in handy since words written in Katakana are usually words borrowed from English. It sounds super lazy, but it's hard to get up the mental energy for my lesson every week. My lesson is mid week at 1:15, which is usually nap/rest time around here. Oftentimes I'd rather be lounging on the couch reading my US Weekly during those precious free moments instead of practicing verb conjugations. Also, surprise surprise, Lizzy isn't always cooperative when it's time for my Japanese lesson. I often can't sit through my hour lesson without filling a snack request, cleaning a spill or wiping some buns.
Another big plus for our situation is that Tokyo is a fantastic jumping off point to see so many amazing places we have never been before. While we haven't been very good at exploring Japan so far (something we need to work on!) we have been fortunate enough to take trips to Singapore, Malaysia, Thailand, Taiwan and Hong Kong in the last five months.
Luckily for me, I have the world's best travel agent in my husband, Joe. He is very into the points and mileage game and this has afforded us some pretty amazing trips! He sometimes drives me crazy talking about the latest amazing deal or great offer, but each time he gets us on Cathay Pacific First Class or to an amazing resort for pennies on the dollar, I remind myself that it is a small annoyance in the grand scheme of things!
We know that most likely the girls won't remember much from these trips, but that isn't really a deterrent for us. We actually started our blog as a way to document some of the trips we knew they wouldn't remember. And now, for the most part, they LOVE the vacations - they get excited for the plane rides and get a kick out of staying in hotels. It is great fun to watch them open the door to a new hotel room and immediately start exploring every inch of it.
We are pretty low key travelers (code word for boring), and the main reason behind this is we often feel that we don't want to put the girls through too much on top of the actual travel. They are too young to enjoy or appreciate museums and temples and they aren't adventurous eaters (just like their daddy!) so we try to find mostly kid-friendly things to do and eat at our destinations. We have found they have the most fun at beach resorts where they can alternate between swimming in the pools, playing at the beach, enjoying the hotel play rooms and eating room service. Rough lives for a two and four year old.
Despite my weekly Japanese lessons, my Japanese is still sadly lacking since I never devote any time to studying. Everything about learning Japanese is HARD to me. They have THREE alphabets - I am slowly learning one, Katakana, which has come in handy since words written in Katakana are usually words borrowed from English. It sounds super lazy, but it's hard to get up the mental energy for my lesson every week. My lesson is mid week at 1:15, which is usually nap/rest time around here. Oftentimes I'd rather be lounging on the couch reading my US Weekly during those precious free moments instead of practicing verb conjugations. Also, surprise surprise, Lizzy isn't always cooperative when it's time for my Japanese lesson. I often can't sit through my hour lesson without filling a snack request, cleaning a spill or wiping some buns.
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| Sometimes I try to pawn Lizzy off onto my Japanese instructor |
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| Annie eating Yakisoba at a restaurant in Kyoto |
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| Omochi (Japanese rice cakes) pounding day at Annie's school |
Another big plus for our situation is that Tokyo is a fantastic jumping off point to see so many amazing places we have never been before. While we haven't been very good at exploring Japan so far (something we need to work on!) we have been fortunate enough to take trips to Singapore, Malaysia, Thailand, Taiwan and Hong Kong in the last five months.
Luckily for me, I have the world's best travel agent in my husband, Joe. He is very into the points and mileage game and this has afforded us some pretty amazing trips! He sometimes drives me crazy talking about the latest amazing deal or great offer, but each time he gets us on Cathay Pacific First Class or to an amazing resort for pennies on the dollar, I remind myself that it is a small annoyance in the grand scheme of things!
We know that most likely the girls won't remember much from these trips, but that isn't really a deterrent for us. We actually started our blog as a way to document some of the trips we knew they wouldn't remember. And now, for the most part, they LOVE the vacations - they get excited for the plane rides and get a kick out of staying in hotels. It is great fun to watch them open the door to a new hotel room and immediately start exploring every inch of it.
We are pretty low key travelers (code word for boring), and the main reason behind this is we often feel that we don't want to put the girls through too much on top of the actual travel. They are too young to enjoy or appreciate museums and temples and they aren't adventurous eaters (just like their daddy!) so we try to find mostly kid-friendly things to do and eat at our destinations. We have found they have the most fun at beach resorts where they can alternate between swimming in the pools, playing at the beach, enjoying the hotel play rooms and eating room service. Rough lives for a two and four year old.
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| Taipei, Taiwan |
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| Hong Kong |
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| Langkawi, Malaysia |
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| Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia |
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| Kuala Lumpur |
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| Koh Samui, Thailand |
A challenging part of our situation is that Joe travels a lot for work. Since we've been in Tokyo (coming up on one year), he's been back and forth to the US nine times. That may not seem like a lot, but there is extensive travel time on either end and he's basically useless to me the first few days he's back due to jet lag. It's also hard to stay connected while he's gone since we are time zones apart. I teach two classes in the evenings which means I have to get a sitter to watch the girls those nights. Luckily, we have great help in our helper Vicky, a teenage neighbor babysitter and a group of mom friends who are always there to help in a pinch.
Being abroad really forces you to build a strong group of friends since you don't have family to rely on. But, even with help, parenting two little kids for six- to ten-day stretches is EXHAUSTING. Like, mommy-why-are-you-crying-because-I-won't-put-my-shoes-on exhausting. Luckily, the awesome and rewarding moments with my girls always make me forget about those times I screamed into a pillow. :) Single parenting in any country is difficult, so I can't say that its anything unique to my situation! But the constant frustration of the language barrier, which makes me feel helpless sometimes, magnifies it sometimes.
Many moms warned me about having "Tokyo moments" when we first moved here. Examples they gave included being at the check out with a full cart of groceries and cranky kids and having your foreign credit card denied. Being lost on foot with your stroller and caught in a downpour. Or, experiencing the most terrifying earthquake of your life while your husband is 6,000 miles away. I braced myself during our first few months here for these "Tokyo moments" to happen, but surprisingly, the transition was much smoother than I anticipated. There was the time when I was trying to get the girls to Disneyland via train only to tearfully discover there were no elevators at the transfer station. In writing, I realize that this doesn't sound stressful. But, when you have 70 pounds of stroller/small humans to carry up and down three different sets of stairs while sweating in your down jacket and unable to communicate with anyone around you, it sucks.
Then, there was the time I needed a certain lady product that they apparently don't sell over the counter in Japan. Upon finally finding the pharmacy after a 45 minute search (it ended up being just around the corner from our place) and showing the pharmacist a picture on my phone of what I was looking for (I spent 30 minutes googling the Japanese version), she informed me that the pharmacy counter closed 5 minutes ago and would reopen in the morning. Pushing the stroller in the rain back home to my husband-less apartment, I cried the ugly cry. So, while there are always daily small frustrations that come with parenting in a foreign country, I would say the giant inconveniences that make you want to bang your head against a wall happen fairly infrequently.
Being abroad really forces you to build a strong group of friends since you don't have family to rely on. But, even with help, parenting two little kids for six- to ten-day stretches is EXHAUSTING. Like, mommy-why-are-you-crying-because-I-won't-put-my-shoes-on exhausting. Luckily, the awesome and rewarding moments with my girls always make me forget about those times I screamed into a pillow. :) Single parenting in any country is difficult, so I can't say that its anything unique to my situation! But the constant frustration of the language barrier, which makes me feel helpless sometimes, magnifies it sometimes.
Many moms warned me about having "Tokyo moments" when we first moved here. Examples they gave included being at the check out with a full cart of groceries and cranky kids and having your foreign credit card denied. Being lost on foot with your stroller and caught in a downpour. Or, experiencing the most terrifying earthquake of your life while your husband is 6,000 miles away. I braced myself during our first few months here for these "Tokyo moments" to happen, but surprisingly, the transition was much smoother than I anticipated. There was the time when I was trying to get the girls to Disneyland via train only to tearfully discover there were no elevators at the transfer station. In writing, I realize that this doesn't sound stressful. But, when you have 70 pounds of stroller/small humans to carry up and down three different sets of stairs while sweating in your down jacket and unable to communicate with anyone around you, it sucks.
Then, there was the time I needed a certain lady product that they apparently don't sell over the counter in Japan. Upon finally finding the pharmacy after a 45 minute search (it ended up being just around the corner from our place) and showing the pharmacist a picture on my phone of what I was looking for (I spent 30 minutes googling the Japanese version), she informed me that the pharmacy counter closed 5 minutes ago and would reopen in the morning. Pushing the stroller in the rain back home to my husband-less apartment, I cried the ugly cry. So, while there are always daily small frustrations that come with parenting in a foreign country, I would say the giant inconveniences that make you want to bang your head against a wall happen fairly infrequently.
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| It's really like being illiterate |
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| I just wanted to have lunch. 4 steps and a map? I panicked and ate at home |
It is also a bit difficult being so far from family. We are close with both sides of our (growing) family, so we miss the opportunity to easily see them. In hindsight, had we known we were moving half way around the world, we would have made more of an effort to see them when it was only a three or four hour trip by plane instead of 13-15. It is sad to not have met the three newest cousins that have been added to the family since we moved, but we will hopefully get to see them soon. We have been lucky that we have had many visitors already and are always grateful when someone is willing to make the significant time and monetary investment to come visit us.
Since many expat families in Tokyo are here on temporary assignments generally ranging from 2-5 years, people are constantly coming and going. While it's great to meet new people, it's hard to say goodbye to someone you've built a friendship with. Our across the hall neighbors are moving to London this weekend, and we are so sad to see them go!
And now for a bunch of the small stuff.
Since many expat families in Tokyo are here on temporary assignments generally ranging from 2-5 years, people are constantly coming and going. While it's great to meet new people, it's hard to say goodbye to someone you've built a friendship with. Our across the hall neighbors are moving to London this weekend, and we are so sad to see them go!
And now for a bunch of the small stuff.
- The closest Target is about 3,900 miles away in Honolulu, so we don't get there much
- Japan is surprisingly not handicap friendly, making getting most places with a stroller a challenge
- Driving places (Joe, not me) is actually OK, but finding parking is next to impossible in most places
- And when you can park, you may have to take out a small mortgage to pay for it (Have I ever told you about our 10,000 Yen mall parking garage experience? That's about $100 US.)
- Tokyo is one of the best food cities in the world, unless you are my husband who has the palette of a picky four year old
- Tokyo in the summer makes Orlando feel comfortable, and in Tokyo, you are much more exposed to the elements since you walk or take public transportation most places
- Going into a Japanese women's clothing store is never a fun event...Excuse me, do you have this in an XXXL?
-Do you see yourself making a career change (whatever that means) in the next 5-10
years? Or is this current set up staying put for the long haul?
I don't see too much changing for me in the future in terms of working vs. staying at home. I think being a SAHM will always be my primary gig, big picture, long haul. I would eventually like to branch out into personal and small group training, and there is a great market for it here in Tokyo. But the beauty of my current job at TAC is that there is fantastic child care on site. While I could continue to use the childcare if I did in home training, it just wouldn't seem quite as convenient or cohesive with my life. I like that my job now isn't much different than what my daily life would be like if I were not working. But, I think further delving into the fitness and nutrition sector is in my future somehow, as long as it will allow to me be home when my kids are home and actively participate in all other aspects of their lives. Drive them to practices, attend their extracurricular activities, and maybe sleep in their college dorm rooms with them. The usual.
years? Or is this current set up staying put for the long haul?
I don't see too much changing for me in the future in terms of working vs. staying at home. I think being a SAHM will always be my primary gig, big picture, long haul. I would eventually like to branch out into personal and small group training, and there is a great market for it here in Tokyo. But the beauty of my current job at TAC is that there is fantastic child care on site. While I could continue to use the childcare if I did in home training, it just wouldn't seem quite as convenient or cohesive with my life. I like that my job now isn't much different than what my daily life would be like if I were not working. But, I think further delving into the fitness and nutrition sector is in my future somehow, as long as it will allow to me be home when my kids are home and actively participate in all other aspects of their lives. Drive them to practices, attend their extracurricular activities, and maybe sleep in their college dorm rooms with them. The usual.
-How do meals work in your family? Meal planning? How often do you grocery
shop? Who is in charge of this task in your family??
Cooking is 100% my domain in our family. I've found that since moving to Tokyo, I cook significantly less than I used to. I really love reading cookbooks and perusing Pinterest for new recipes, but actually trying out a new recipe feels like a big event these days! The grocery stores I most often shop at don't always have the ingredients I need or it's too much of a hassle to figure it out since everything is in Japanese. I once spent 25 minutes searching the aisles for chicken bouillon cubes. Groceries are also much more expensive in Tokyo than in the US, and while I've gotten somewhat used to the prices, sometimes I just can't bring myself to buy something that costs 5x what it would in the US. What this means is that many times a fun, healthy multi-ingredient Pinterest recipe is just too much of a hassle, since I don't want to have to go to two different international grocery stores to hunt down insanely overpriced quinoa or some other "odd" ingredient.
shop? Who is in charge of this task in your family??
Cooking is 100% my domain in our family. I've found that since moving to Tokyo, I cook significantly less than I used to. I really love reading cookbooks and perusing Pinterest for new recipes, but actually trying out a new recipe feels like a big event these days! The grocery stores I most often shop at don't always have the ingredients I need or it's too much of a hassle to figure it out since everything is in Japanese. I once spent 25 minutes searching the aisles for chicken bouillon cubes. Groceries are also much more expensive in Tokyo than in the US, and while I've gotten somewhat used to the prices, sometimes I just can't bring myself to buy something that costs 5x what it would in the US. What this means is that many times a fun, healthy multi-ingredient Pinterest recipe is just too much of a hassle, since I don't want to have to go to two different international grocery stores to hunt down insanely overpriced quinoa or some other "odd" ingredient.
We are lucky enough to have a car so we do a big Costco trip about twice a month, and I would say this is where a majority of the grocery money goes. Costco has been a lifesaver as they carry many familiar products and their prices are much better than grocery stores in the city. We typically load up on fruits and veggies, cheese, chicken breasts, bagels, juice and eggs at a minimum. Plus the 180 yen hot dog and drink is the best deal in Tokyo! A morning at Costco is like a little slice of America.
So, in sum, I cook less, make simpler meals (chicken with rice and veggies, tacos, salads, sandwiches, pastas), and eat out more. Pretty much anytime we are at TAC (multiple times per week) we will grab a meal since it's convenient and delicious. Sadly, we are not big Japanese cuisine enthusiasts, but we do have a favorite Ramen place. Ramen in Japan is not the 25 cent dried block of Maruchan we all ate in college - it's an authentic Japanese comfort food. A big, steaming bowl of fat, sodium and carbohydrates. Mmmmm. Most of our other go-to restaurants are Western-ish, and sometimes in a pinch I'll order pizza from Dominos. They have an English website where you can order online, yay! Apologies to all the sushi lovers out there who are cringing as they read this.
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| Best to get to Costco early to avoid this |
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| Just a portion of our usual Costco haul |
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| Ramen time |
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| Local Japanese grocery store |
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| Cruising on my mamachari |
-How do you keep your house clean? Power cleaning after bedtime? Staying out of the house as much as possible? Cleaning while kids are awake? Purging often? Cleaning schedule?
Meh... let's just say if you were to surprise me on any day but a Friday, there would likely be a mess in our apartment. At a minimum I keep up with the dishes and have the kitchen cleaned every night, but I'm constantly behind on the laundry and the girls scatter toys throughout the apartment on a daily basis. I don't mind doing OR folding the laundry, but really hate putting it away! So it's very normal to have baskets of folded laundry sitting in our room for a week straight. Yes, this is totally a cause of stress for me and I would really like it to change. Could I have a spotless house daily? I think so, but it's just something that's not my #1 priority right now. Three mornings a week we are rushing to get out of the house, and it's often just me and the girls because Joe leaves early for phone meetings with the California offices. Then I'm either working, running errands or out and about for the rest of the morning. By the time we're all home again for the afternoon my energy is low and it's already time to start on dinner. And, quite simply, I'd rather be playing with the girls than following them around with a vacuum. Vicky comes on Fridays to either clean or babysit or BOTH (how does she do it??) so I am very lucky in that regard. At least I know the bathrooms and floors are CLEAN even if they are covered in legos, books, crayons and dolls most of the time.
Meh... let's just say if you were to surprise me on any day but a Friday, there would likely be a mess in our apartment. At a minimum I keep up with the dishes and have the kitchen cleaned every night, but I'm constantly behind on the laundry and the girls scatter toys throughout the apartment on a daily basis. I don't mind doing OR folding the laundry, but really hate putting it away! So it's very normal to have baskets of folded laundry sitting in our room for a week straight. Yes, this is totally a cause of stress for me and I would really like it to change. Could I have a spotless house daily? I think so, but it's just something that's not my #1 priority right now. Three mornings a week we are rushing to get out of the house, and it's often just me and the girls because Joe leaves early for phone meetings with the California offices. Then I'm either working, running errands or out and about for the rest of the morning. By the time we're all home again for the afternoon my energy is low and it's already time to start on dinner. And, quite simply, I'd rather be playing with the girls than following them around with a vacuum. Vicky comes on Fridays to either clean or babysit or BOTH (how does she do it??) so I am very lucky in that regard. At least I know the bathrooms and floors are CLEAN even if they are covered in legos, books, crayons and dolls most of the time.
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| Is that Mary Poppins? Nope, just Vicky doing some Easter Crafts with the girls |
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| Loving life in Japan! |
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| California babe turned big city girl |
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| Lizzy taking a break at Meiji Jingu Shrine |
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| Summer festival in our neighborhood |
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| Shopping in Shibuya |
I suffered some major guilt when I made the agonizing decision to send Annie to nursery school full time for a variety of reasons I won't get into here. We would really prefer that she only go a few hours a day, two to three days per week, which is what we were planning on back home before we moved to Japan. So while it's not ideal for us, she really loves going and the school year has flown by. The guilt still surfaces every now and then, and one way I deal with it is by spending some special "mommy - daughter" time with Annie as often as possible. We also frequently play hooky and go to Tokyo Disneyland.
But as far as date nights, girls nights, occasional kid free lunches and my very part time job - none of these are sources of guilt for me!
-Is this your ideal situation? If not, what is?
My current situation is working out great for the time being. I love being in charge of all things domestic even if it's a little overwhelming at times. As I touched on briefly, "career wise" it would nice to have my own training clients and be my own boss, but I'm not quite ready to jump into the challenging world of building my own business. There have been a few times when we would have liked to go back to the US with Joe when he had long trips, but because I had my commitments at TAC, we were unable to join him. Aside from those infrequent inconveniences, what we're doing now works!
Also, in an ideal world, my kids would watch less TV, eat more healthy foods, I would have more patience and Joe and I would have more quality time together. :)
-Tips on how you make your situation work for you:
I'm not afraid to ask for help! Having weekly help is a splurge, but one that I think helps keep me partly sane. Other than that, I am not a fountain of knowledge when it comes to parenting. Some days, I feel like a picture perfect mom who knocked it out of the park and other days I think my only accomplishment was keeping the kids alive. Finally, I couldn't make any of this "work" at all if I didn't have an amazingly helpful and supportive husband. I know back in the day lots of dads didn't even change a diaper, and I'm sure glad things have changed since then! There is nothing like seeing Joe blow dry Lizzy's hair or coming home to a clean kitchen after an evening class. I know how hard he works to make our lives easier and more enjoyable and I feel very lucky for that.
{Thank you, Mary! Find the rest of the MMIW series here}
I'm not afraid to ask for help! Having weekly help is a splurge, but one that I think helps keep me partly sane. Other than that, I am not a fountain of knowledge when it comes to parenting. Some days, I feel like a picture perfect mom who knocked it out of the park and other days I think my only accomplishment was keeping the kids alive. Finally, I couldn't make any of this "work" at all if I didn't have an amazingly helpful and supportive husband. I know back in the day lots of dads didn't even change a diaper, and I'm sure glad things have changed since then! There is nothing like seeing Joe blow dry Lizzy's hair or coming home to a clean kitchen after an evening class. I know how hard he works to make our lives easier and more enjoyable and I feel very lucky for that.
{Thank you, Mary! Find the rest of the MMIW series here}
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