Lets train: you

Showing posts with label you. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

When you need a skirt

Last week I found myself in dire need of a skirt.

During a vacation to New York City, I realized that I left my skirt at my parent's house. Woops!

My creative friends came up with a fantastic solution.

"Use a tank top."

I needed to wear a skirt to an appointment, and so I borrowed my friend's black slip and her green tank top. What a miracle solution!

It worked well enough!

I originally packed a skirt for vacation, but I left it at my parents' house on accident. We had attended church with my parents on Sunday, and then we left for NYC on Monday morning. My wonderful parents were kind enough to babysit our kids while we enjoyed a couple's vacation. On Thursday in NYC, we had an early morning appointment at the temple. We are Mormon, and we were excited to visit the beautiful temple in Manhattan. Because the temple is a holy place, it is important to wear a skirt or a dress when you attend.

I realized my predicament the night before, about 1:00am, and I sorta panicked with my husband and my friends. I knew we wouldn't have time to buy a skirt before our appointment. I'm so glad my friends Judy and Julie came up with a solution. The temple was beautiful, and I felt spiritually refreshed after visiting inside.

Sunday, July 16, 2017

Which side are you on

It's the great debate that happens this time of year.

CHRISTMAS.
When is it "okay" to start getting ready for it?
Both sides are passionate about their stances (myself included)

Which side are you on?
Team "Before" Thanksgiving or Team "After" Thanksgiving?

I am on Team AFTER Thanksgiving.
Honestly, it riles me up when I see Christmas stuff up before Thanksgiving.
And, like I posted last year, it seems that every year Christmas gets pulled out earlier and earlier.
For example, the girls and I went to the mall on November 1st to get a wedding gift.
I was SHOCKED when we saw SANTA at the mall. On November 1st. The day after Halloween.
I literally gasped when I saw this. Kate's reaction was one of my proudest parenting moments.
As we stared at all the trees, lights & elves at the Santa display, she exclaimed,
"Mommy, this place is just silly. Don't they know it isn't Thanksgiving yet?"
My heart literally burst with pride :)

A few days ago, I saw this picture on a friend's Facebook:

As if I needed another reason to love Nordstrom more than I already do :)
Well said, Nordstrom, well said.

This week and last week on Wheel of Fortune (yes, I watch it, don't judge!) is the Secret Santa Sweepstakes.
The whole stage is decked out in Christmas...the week before Thanksgiving? Really?

Anyways, back to the great debate.
I am obviously Team AFTER Thanksgiving.
Here are my Christmas "rules"
1. No Christmas music until the day after Thanksgiving.
2. No Christmas movies until the day after Thanksgiving
3. Absolutely no Christmas decorations until the day after Thanksgiving.
4. No peppermint mochas until the day after Thanksgiving.
5. No Black Friday shopping.

Yes, you read that right. I am the Anti-Black Friday shopper.
The fact that stores are opening at midnight on Thanksgiving night makes me a little sick to my stomach. Really? Really?

So, let me get off my soapbox and ask:
Which side are you on?
You are either one or the other..I don't think there is a gray area on this "issue".
Team "Before" Thanksgiving or Team "After" Thanksgiving?
I would love to hear your reasons also!

And don't worry if you don't agree with me, I have tons of friends who are on Team Before Thanksgiving and I still love them.....to each their own :)

Sunday, July 2, 2017

As you wish

[don't you guys LOVE the movie The Princess Bride? Best quote ever=the title of this post]

I've had a lot of questions about the infamous G.A. and G.R. which is quite ironic, considering I am one of the most computer illiterate online stalkers in the world. Meaning, I may love the internet but I'm totally clueless when it comes to a lot of this stuff. I just stumble my way through.

But I will do my best to assist you, my blog readers! Don't lynch me if I'm completely wrong okay?

For Google Analytics, you'll need a google account. I think that means you need a gmail address. I highly recommend creating a gmail addresss anyway [if you blog] so you can keep all your blog stuff together. I would suggest linking your comments to this gmail account and also adding your gmail address to your blog profile, so people can contact you outside of comments. Don't worry, crazies won't hunt you down TOO often. And if they do, this new gmail account can be a catch all and won't be your 'real' account anyway.

So after setting up a gmail account, you'll need to go to http://www.google.com/analytics/
You'll follow the prompts to sign up for a new account.

You'll go through the general information, then contact information, then accept the user agreement. Then comes the tricky part: adding your tracking system. I think this is where people screw up the most. If you have a Blogspot account I can help you. Once you get the code from GA, you'll log into your blog and go to "layout" and then "page elements" because you need to add a new element to the bottom of your blog. You want to select the "html code" option for this element, then paste the code into this new part of your blog. Then go back to GA and follow the prompts. It will tell you if you added the tracker correctly because it can't detect your blog otherwise.

It will take about 24 hours to see if it works. And once it DOES work it still only updates every 24 hours. So I can't see how I did today until tomorrow morning. Does that make sense? Whew, my head already hurts.

Moving onto G.R.:

You'll need to go to http://www.google.com/reader
I'm pretty sure you need a gmail addy for this one, too. So just suck it up and do it! :)
After following the prompts you'll end up at your home page, and the left side of the screen should look like this:

Where it says "Add subscription" is where you'll add your favorite blog's urls. You'll have to copy and paste the site's address and then you'll be good to go. You can then click on a blog title on your left hand column and read it right inside this window. Lauren, here is your blog through my G.R. Shame on your for not updating in 4 days!

Once you've read all the posts on a blog, click "mark all as read" and the title will go back to a normal font. It will be bold when there is a new post [that is the exciting part!].

You can even organize the blogs into categories to keep you sane. For instance, I have a "crafts" section, a "friends" section, an "other people" section [which is full of people I just 'met' through blogging], and "photography." You add these categories by clicking on the "manage subscriptions" button. Does this make sense? Whew times two.

And finally, questions about backgrounds for your blog. Look at the right hand column on my blog under "design" and you'll find a nice little tutorial by Suzanne Hart. The important thing: you must download digital scrapbooking paper that suites your fancy. I suggest a plain paper for your main central column but go wild for the outer border and also the header border. You need to save these three papers to an online account. I use photobucket for this part. You'll grab the url for these papers and plug them into your html code of your blog. I know, I know, that part freaks me out, too. I hate that stuff but once you figure it out each successive time is much easier. You just paste your new papers onto the codes of your old papers.

I use photoshop to design my blog header and my side bar buttons. That is a little bit more complicated and is a whole other blog post. Heck, I'm still learning photoshop myself! But I like doing that part because it's like digi-scrapping and I'm trying to get better.

I hope at least one of you found this helpful. Just make sure to set aside time for this stuff or you'll go bonkers trying to hurry through. Good luck!!

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

How to get your teenager to open up and talk to you

I imagine every parent fears the day their teenager stops talking.

Your precious chatterbox goes from talking your ear off each day to barely muttering an "I'm fine" before they shut the bedroom door. Even if you force him to associate with the family, he spends the whole time texting his friends or perusing Facebook. But conversing with the parentals? You must be "cra-cra."

When I work with families in counseling sessions, communication is usually strained between teenagers and parents. It is common for my teenage counseling clients to refuse to even speak to their parents. Usually, by the time the family enter counseling, the parents are so fed up with their non-communicative kid that they appear trapped in a cycle of nagging. Their coercion attempts to get any type of conversation out of their child have failed. Stress is high and parents expect me to magically "fix" their teen back into the sweet, talkative 10 year old they remember.

However the biggest predictor of success in counseling a family,

in my opinion, is the parents' willingness to change their own unhelpful habits.

Children tend to follow their parents' footsteps, so if the adults are willing to make positive changes then the children will usually follow.

Here's an example about how communication can be strained between a teenager and parents:

Recently I worked with a teenage girl who had important news to tell her parents, but she was afraid of their reaction. She assumed her parents would blame her for actions beyond her control, so she confided only in adults at the school. (Unfortunately the school officials were too busy to help.)

Her parents knew something was amiss. They begged her to confide her pain in them, but she was steadfast in her opposition to talk. It took an entire session for her to finally open up to her mother about the sexual harassment she was experiencing at school. My teenage client was shocked that Mom was "on her team." Afterwards she expressed feeling relieved she had told her Mom about her troubles, but again said she was surprised Mom was willing to help.

Do your children know they can trust you to help them, protect them, and seek for their happiness?

Despite their protests to the contrary, teenagers do want to talk to their parents.

Below are three tips for parents, which if followed, will encourage a teenage child to open up and talk.

1. Show them you have time for them.

Remember I said it took an entire session for my teenage client to open up to her mother? Even then, she opened up just a little bit at a time. Initially, after a few minutes of silence, her Mom appeared ready to give up and forget the conversation, but I continued to encourage my teenage client to open up. I reassured her she could share the information as slowly as she desired, and I suggested options to make the conversation easier. I suggested she could write down bullet points of what she needed to say, or draw the conversation, or make a list. Eventually she started talking, and then Mom showed she was listening.

If you know your teenager has something important to tell you, don't expect them to drop the news over a quick text message or on the way to school. Your child is probably analyzing emotions, imagining consequences, and brainstorming how the news will impact his social life. With those thoughts swirling in his head, it will take time to know how to communicate with you.

Schedule alone time to talk with your teenager. Turn off electronics. Account for hunger, homework, or sleep deprivation. Then be willing to sit, reassuringly, until he is done talking.

2. Shut up and listen.

Parents have life experience and wisdom. But if your teenager does decide to open and talk about her problems, odds are she doesn't want to listen to how you overcame your problems in the past. Teenagers go through a phase of ego-centrism, which means they believe the world revolves around them. Obviously this is an immature, unrealistic perception, but it is part of human development. So, don't waste the precious time your teenager is willing to give you by dwelling on your memory lane. Stop talking about you, and listen to her.

Seek to understand her story. Listen to her endless lists of "Sally texted this, and then James texted that" and try to make sense of her pain. Show her that she is the most interesting person in the world at that moment, and she'll probably keep talking to you. Everyone appreciates a good listening ear.

Teenagers tend to open up in counseling because I focus all my attention on understanding them. I listen. I give them all my focus for that one hour session, and it builds trust. I don't cut them off; I don't start talking about me. When I do talk, I keep the focus on understanding their thoughts, behaviors, or feelings.

As parents, listen attentively when your teenager talks. Put down the dishes, turn off the TV, look away from Instagram, and really focus on your child. Listen with an intent to understand, and they'll probably keep talking.

3. Help them solve their problem; don't just offer absolute advice.

Imagine this scenario:

"But I was so mad because Kristen posted that picture on Facebook, and Brian commented that Alice looked hot, and she knows that I like him, so how could she do that? And Alice has a boyfriend anyways, so why is she flirting with Brian? Maybe I should tell Peter that Kristen and Alice are fakers, and then he can tell Brian that I'm the only normal one in that class. But what if Peter thinks I like him over Brian? Then I'd have to go to the dance with him, but I wouldn't want to because he dresses so weird, but maybe that would make Brian jealous. What should I do?"

So how do you respond?

Most parents take a simple approach and tell their teenager what to do rationally. But simply telling your daughter in this scenario, "Sounds like you need new friends. How about you play with the kids down the street?" doesn't solve the problems she was venting about. Her complicated story reflects her complicated emotions about the problem.

Instead, ask questions to further understand her feelings and assess her decision making capabilities.

"What signs has Brian given you that show he might be interested in you?"

"What other motivations might Kristen have had in posting that picture?"

"Was she intentionally trying to hurt you or was this a misunderstanding?"

"I wonder what would happen if you told Peter that Alice was cheating, but she really wasn't."

"How would that affect your friendship with Alice?"

Asking your teenager questions shows her you are interested and that you are listening (See Steps 1 and 2 above.) As you guide your teenager through an appropriate decision making process, you are also help her develop life skills. Instead of learning to react defensively to life events, you are helping her learn wisdom and perspective.

What a positive lesson to teach your teenage children!

Soon your teenager will grow into an adult, so help them learn to make rational, adult decisions. Remember that his brain is still somewhat immature and his adolescent ego-centrism seems short-sighted; but keep trying to communicate.

So there are three ways you can encourage your teenagers to open up and talk to you.

I hope you allow yourself the time to make these patterns a positive habit in your life.

What tips would you give to parents of teenagers? How do you keep the lines of communication open in your home?